Me Things

New Blog

2011-03-29T15:02:00.001-04:00

I ended up hiding my blog from the world while my PhD applications were out there, just so no one googled me and found out that I'm an opinionated jerk. Now that I'm done with the application process (I didn't get into any of the programs I applied to) I decided to start a new blog. You can check it out at www.joshuaelek.com.

Hope you enjoyed the stuff I wrote here.

Pat Downs

2010-11-23T02:17:00.000-05:00

I'm sickened by the US Government right now. We are finally to the point where we force every single person who gets onto a plane to comply with a digital strip search prior to boarding. Seriously. If I decline the digital strip search, then some guy with two weeks training and a GED gets to pat my junk to make sure I didn't stuff my underwear with C4. But he isn't checking to see if I shoved a stick of dynamite in any of my body cavities, so... guess what's coming next Thanksgiving. If you don't comply with the digital strip search, some guy with two weeks training and a GED is going to brown finger you in front of grandma. It's all for our safety folks. And if you disagree, then you're either a criminal or a terrorist. After all, privacy is only valuable if you have something to hide, right?

See, the thing is, I get it. We're at war and we need to protect ourselves. But I'm not ok with protecting ourselves by patting down a half-naked boy in the middle of a crowded airport. I'm appalled. I'm outraged. I'm sickened. And there's nothing I can do. There's nothing anyone can do. We just have to sit back and watch our liberties erode away in the name of protecting freedom.

LGBTQ Support

2010-10-10T15:40:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow is national coming out day. And I think that deserves some comment.

Until very recently, I believed that my faith mandated opposition to alternative sexual orientations. I have since been convinced that this interpretation is not in line with the broader truths I find in scripture and the traditions of the Christian faith, and I am in support of loving and accepting members of the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered, and queer communities. At the same time, I know that this newer interpretation of my Christian faith is something not shared by many fellow Christians. Though I wish all Christians joined me in a new understanding regarding the appropriate Christian response to alternative sexual orientations, I know this is unlikely.

Though I wouldn't mind getting into a discussion about why I changed my mind, and why I now think that acceptance, love and compassion are the appropriate Christian responses to LGBTQ lifestyles, I think something needs to be said about why Christians disagree with the LGBTQ lifestyle. All too often, Christians who are opposed to the LGBTQ lifestyle are painted with the same brush as bigots like Fred Jones. Oddly enough, characterizing these Christians as bigots is often done out of ignorance and intolerance.

All too often, Christians who are opposed to LGBTQ lifestyles are torn about their position. Opposition to these lifestyles is usually due to an interpretation of scripture, coupled with a commitment to obeying the authority of those scriptures. In short, they have good, and dare I say, honorable reasons for their opposition. The Bible does in fact state in a handful of places that homosexual orientations are not acceptable. Christians who are committed to the authority of scripture are required to respond to these verses, and often conclude that these verses mandate that their opposition to LGBTQ orientations. These Christians aren't bigots, they aren't judgemental, they aren't hateful and angry homophobes. They are simply trying to have integrity in their belief that scripture is authoritative. And, even though such opposition is regularly and emphatically frowned upon by the greater culture, many Christians remain opposed because they are committed to submitting to the authority of scripture. Rather than demonizing them for being intolerant, judgmental and bigoted, I honestly think that such Christians deserve credit for trying to maintain integrity in their beliefs concerning the Bible, even though I think these beliefs are mistaken.

I disagree with their interpretation of scripture. I could spend a lot more time talking about why I am no longer opposed to the LGBTQ lifestyle—why I still accept the authority of scripture, but no longer accept that scripture mandates my opposition to LGBTQ communities—but that's my point here. My point here is not why Christians should accept the LGBTQ lifestyle, my point rather is that many Christians who are opposed to the LGBTQ lifestyles are trying to do what they think is the right thing. As much as I wish they were more tolerant and understanding, I similarly wish that their interpretation was more widely understood and tolerated. I wish we could see these people not as judgmental bigots, but as people trying to the right thing even when that means doing something deeply unpopular.

Selling on eBay

2010-10-08T16:18:00.001-04:00

So, I recently sold some items on eBay, and I'm trying now to close my eBay account because the entire eBay experience is excruciatingly bad. I'm not trying to be dramatic, I'm just disappointed that eBay doesn't get it, and I want to warn others before they make the mistake of trying to sell something on eBay. Here's what you can expect when trying to sell something on eBay.

1. You pay too much to post your auction. This I actually get. eBay has to make money some how, and this seems like a good way to do it. But seriously... charging me for posting pictures of the items merely discourages me from taking detailed pictures of the items I'm going to sell. Meaning a frustrating experience for me, and less information for the buyer. Good job. [Strike 1]

2. You can't change the auction once it's posted. I posted an auction, and realized afterward that I typed in the wrong name. Can I change that? No. Ok, I get it, that way I can't bait and switch right? But can I put a message anywhere on the thing alerting the people who are going to bid on it that there's a mistake? Nope. I have to tell eBay that there's a mistake, they will look at it and make the change. But they need two weeks to do that. Which makes sense, seeing as the longest you're allowed to have an auction go is ten days. Seriously. [Strike 2]

3. You have to pay money because someone bought your item. Not only do you have to pay to post the auction, you then have to pay eBay simply because the item sold. And this payment is a percentage of the sale price. Which means eBay penalizes you for selling things on eBay. [Strike 3] Hmm... I'm starting to get frustrated.

4. You can't control shipping prices. Even though it cost me $6.00 to ship the items I was selling, I wasn't allowed to charge more than $4 for shipping because that was what other people were charging. Uh... [Strike 4]

5. You have to pay money to get your money. Seriously. If someone pays you via paypal, then you actually have to pay a fee for paypal to give you that money. I'm not kidding. If you want money in your paypal account transferred to your bank account, you get charged. What kind of business fines you for getting what you've paid for? Look at it like this: I'm the seller. And the person who buys from me is my customer. As a seller, I'm technically eBay's customer. Which means I'm paying them to auction my goods. The product I am buying from eBay, is the price I'm getting for the item that I'm selling. I pay eBay for the privilege of selling on their site, and if it works, I get fined if I want eBay to release that money to me. Imagine, you pay $3 for a cheeseburger at McDonald's. They make it and stick it on the counter and then tell you it'll be another dollar if you want them to release the cheeseburger to you. Apparently that makes sense to eBay. [Strike 5]

[It was getting so stupid that I actually started taking screen shots to prove I'm not making this stuff up.]

6. Sellers can't leave negative feedback. Because in eBay land, everyone is good, no one screws up, and no one out there is trying to shaft anyone. I sold a game on eBay for $45. The person who bought it sent me an email asking when I would ship it. I told the person once the money was paid, I would ship the item. They never paid. I then had to wait a week, file a complaint with eBay, wait for eBay to try to fix it, and then after another week, I had to go in and close the complaint. Which means eBay did nothing. Thanks. So, I try to warn other sellers that this buyer is trying to win auctions and have goods shipped without paying for them.

But surprise surprise, bad people don't exist, therefore it's actually impossible to leave negative feedback. Seriously. What's the point of feedback, if the only feedback that can be left is good feedback? Who dreamed up this gem? So, no warnings about poor customers. Which means, you really should go on eBay and try to buy items and get someone to ship them to you without paying for them. Because apparently eBay will do nothing about it. Sure, you screw someone over, but... eh. eBay doesn't really care, because it literally does not believe that someone would do this. Strike 6.

7. Apparently, it's impossible to close your eBay account. Frustrated with the experience I decided to pay my invoice to eBay and delete my account. So I paid, and tried to delete my account. But because I just made a payment on eBay, I have to wait 30 days to delete my account. Ridiculous, but whatever. So I wait thirty days. Then, I get another invoice. For zero dollars. [Strike 7]

eBay actually bills me zero dollars. I try to close my account, but I can't because I have an unpaid invoice. [Strike 8] So, it's dumb but whatever. I'll pay eBay zero dollars. So I pay them the zero dollar invoice [Strike 9] and try to close my account. But I can't, because I just made a payment on eBay. [Strike 10]

So I have to wait another 30 days. LOL. [Strike 11]

8. There is no customer support. Well, this is all so silly that I hit the "Contact Us" button. Nope. It goes to a search box where I can troll through their FAQs. By "Contact Us" eBay really means, "Give up, we don't care." [Strike 12]

So, I troll through the FAQ's and there's no answer to the whole zero dollar invoice thing. So, I finally get to a screen where I can ask questions via chat. SWEET! I hit the button, and... I get a window telling me that I'm going to have to wait 30 minutes before someone can chat with me online. [This is borderline comical now]

So, bye eBay. I guess I'm not going to close my account, because apparently it's impossible. [Strike 14] But hopefully, this post will keep one or two people from ever trying to open an account on eBay, or (God-forbid) try to sell something there. Maybe they'll get this fixed, but I doubt it. If you try to delete your account because you don't like the way eBay is structured, check out what they call a possible solution.

A.K.A. You don't like what we're doing? Who cares. [Strike 15]

Not Your Average Fantasy Football Predictions

2010-09-09T17:23:00.006-04:00

Ok, to start: I basically know nothing about everything I'm about to say.

Fantasy Football predictions tend to be basically the same all around. Mostly, it's all just educated guesses, and no one is right about everything. Fortunately everyone forgets the wrong picks, but thinks those crazy picks that were right were brilliant. So, instead of re-warming the predictions that are already out there, I thought I'd put together a different sort of Fantasy Football prediction list. What follows is my prediction of what will be the absolute best Fantasy Football team possible—with one caveat: I'm not going to allow myself to pick any of the players who are widely regarded as the best players. Meaning, I can't pick Chris Johnson or Adrian Peterson or Drew Brees etc... Mind you I'm not putting together a sleepers list (that comes at the end) this is a list of players who are NOT currently regarded as the top players, but who will be the highest scoring players at the end of the year (for non-PPR leagues). So, here goes:

QB: Tom Brady
Not because he's the best QB, but because he wants to win as badly as—if not more than—Brees, Rodgers and Manning. And yet, his defense is awful. As a result, he's going to have to go into a shootout each and every week. Read: points, points, points, points.

RB: Jerome Harrison
Chris Johnson and Adrian Peterson are the easy choices. But I'm not allowed, so I'm going to go crazy here. The #1 scoring RB in the NFL this year will be... that's right... Jerome Harrison. Now, it's not just because I'm a Browns fan. (It's mostly because I can't pick Johnson or Peterson). The thing is, Cleveland has NO receivers—sorry Massaquoi. That means Delhomme won't be throwing the ball, because he's smarter than DA and Quinn and a thousand Rubik's Cubes combined. But just because Delhomme will be handing the ball off a lot doesn't mean Harrison is guaranteed a good season. And just because he had a crazy finish last year doesn't mean he's guaranteed a good season. He's going to be the #1 RB this year because of Alex Mack, Eric Steinbach, Joe Thomas and... (I'm hesitating) Shawn Lauvao. The Cleveland O-line is arguably in the top 5 this year, which means there will be holes for Harrison. He's shown he can work with the holes when they're there, so I'm predicting a HUGE breakout year.

WR: Larry Fitzgerald
Yes, I know Derek Anderson is throwing the ball in Arizona. The thing is, Anderson's a big enough idiot that he's going to toss the ball as hard as he can every time it touches his fingers. And Fitzgerald is hardcore enough to catch 'em all. So, Fitzgerald will be bringing in the most points among WRs. You heard it here first.

WR2: Miles Austin
Since both my leagues have one RB and two WRs, I'm going to go ahead and pick the second best WR this season. I'm basically throwing darts, so I'll just go ahead and say Miles Austin. The guy has just enough yards after catch to be explosive. Add it up all year long, and I think he's got a shot at the second highest scoring WR in the league this year. Of course, no one will agree with me on my picks here.

TE: Kellen Winslow
I guess the real answer here is Antonio Gates, (I kind of want to say Dallas Clark).Which is why I have to pick Kellen Winslow. Don't get me wrong—I HATE Winslow. But I have to admit, he can catch, and Tampa Bay's Offensive line is trash. So Freeman (who is Josh Freeman anyway?) will be dumping it off a lot. Since dumps can go to the TE a lot of the time, I have to take Kellen.

Flex: Chris Johnson
Seeing as no one should be using Johnson as they're flex player, I guess I'm allowed to use him here. Is that cheating? I don't care.

K: Robbie Gould
Here, no one cares. Robbie Gould. The bears suck, so they'll have to kick a lot, and he's crazy accurate. There you go.

TM: Jets
Sure, why not?

Now for the sleeper picks. These are the guys you should have picked up in the tenth round or so, because they won't be available on waivers, but they're going to blow it up at some point in the season.

QB: Kolb
(I want to say Ben Roethlisberger, but I hate him.) So, Kevin Kolb it is. His receivers last year had 25 touchdowns last season. He'll be throwing to DeSean Jackson, which is great for him, and Brent Celek is in the top 5 (or 8) tight ends in the league. That coupled with a top ten offensive line means he's going to be productive this year.

WR: Johnny Knox
My pick for biggest surprise this year goes to Johnny Knox. Largely because there is no one else to throw to in Chicago. (Sure there's Devin Hester, but let's not start confusing a punt returner with a wide receiver... Cleveland didn't.)

WR2: Dez Bryant
I guess I picked the top two starters, so I'll pick the top two sleepers as well. The second biggest sleeper pick among WRs will be... drum roll... stalling for time because I honestly have no idea... Dez Bryant. Let's give a rookie a shot at being amazing. Granted, wide receivers are almost always terrible their first year, but I had to pick someone so I picked the rookie with the most promise.

TE: Visanthe Shiancoe
Is there such a thing as a sleeper tight end? If I have to pick one, I'll say Visanthe Shiancoe. Dude had 11 TDs last year but I haven't seen him on anyone's radar.

Flex: D. J. Clark
Talk about a deep sleeper. I don't care that he's "technically" a defensive tackle. I don't care that he was cut from the Green Bay Packers and has little promise of actually making it on a team this year, or any year in the future. I predict he comes back to the NFL with the Rams as a starting Running Back, and goes on to help them win the super bowl with 4,000 yards rushing and 38 touchdowns. Seriously, pick this guy up.

TM: Browns
Ok, I admit. This is just because I'm a fan. But there is some reason to it: remember, they have a pretty soft schedule aside from our insanely difficult division. The Bengals will try to throw a lot, but won't be good at it. The Ravens will run too much, considering the sick talent they have receiving. The Steelers will be running Mendenhall's legs off the first 4 games, and since we play them on Ben's first week back, they'll be running a tired Mendenhall all day Sunday of sixth week. As a result, the games should move slowly and be lower scoring. Of course that means fewer sacks, but it could increase fumbles. Regardless, I'm going with my Brownies. (And we'll get some nice picks from Palmer.)

There you have it—something no one should read before drafting their Fantasy Teams. Good luck and GO BROWNS!

Terry Jones, Fred Phelps, et al.

2010-09-08T15:09:00.002-04:00

I'm struggling lately with how I can respond to Terry Jones' planned Qur'an burning. Can I respond? I understand there's probably nothing I can do to stop it, but I still want to do something.

I ask myself the same questions about Fred Phelps, leader of the Westboro Baptist Church—a hate-cult based in Topeka, Kansas. I hear about their protests and slogans, and it makes me angry, it makes me want to do something. But I quickly realize there is probably nothing I can do to fix Fred Phelps. And there's nothing I can do to change Terry Jones' mind.

Probably the most annoying thing about these kinds of people, is that they are fringe members of our society who don't really represent anyone. And yet, they get air time and publicity because of their sensationalism. They feed on that attention, leading them to be more and more sensational, which just hurts more people.

So what is the right response? I know they just want attention, so do I disappoint them, and ignore everything they say or do? Do I stop clicking on the links to stories about Fred Phelps and Terry Jones? Do I write CNN and FoxNews asking them to stop giving these guys the attention they want so badly? Maybe not. As much as my gut tells me that this is the logically acceptable response, perhaps there is value in putting these ugly people right where they want to be. Maybe some good that can come from plastering the ugly face of intolerance in America all over our TVs. There could be something beneficial about recognizing that these attitudes still exist, that these kinds of people can spring up in our own back yards. People like Terry Jones and Fred Phelps can help us evaluate who we are, where we are, and where we are going. I have to be honest, as much as I would like to pretend that the Qur'an burning has nothing to do with mainstream America, as much as I want to say this Terry Jones guy is an unimportant fringe member of Christianity, I have to admit—that's not necessarily true. And while I would like to pretend like America today is vastly different from the Taliban-controlled parts of the world—as much as I would like to pretend that we are immune from such radical and violent intolerance, people like Fred Phelps and Terry Jones serve as frightening reminders that we are much closer than I'd like to think. The Taliban might be a radical muslim organization on the other side of the world, but unless we admit that the same kind of organizations can spring up in Topeka Kansas, we won't be able to prevent people like Terry Jones and Fred Phelps from becoming movements. So, maybe we should keep right on giving them all the attention they want; and keep allowing their intolerance to appear as violent, as ugly, and as unappetizing as it really is.

Persepolis Fortification Archive Project

2010-08-04T11:59:00.004-04:00

*DISCLAIMER* This post is now linked at the Persepolis Fortification Archive Project's blog, so I thought I'd toss in a disclaimer. First of all, nothing I say here should be considered an official position of the project or anything like that. I wrote this post before starting the project, and some of the info may or may not be accurate. For instance, I'm not sure that the fortification wall actually fell down on the structure that housed the documents. (It may have, I don't know.) This post was basically written to friends and family trying to explain what I'm doing now, so don't take any of the info here to the bank.

About twenty five hundred years ago, a man walks through the desert with a donkey carrying figs. He enters the city of Persepolis and goes to the delivery building, near the town wall. He enters the building and unloads the donkey while a scribe picks up a handful of clay, and digs into it with his stylus. "A donkey-load of figs was brought into Persepolis by Bandaba and recieved by Nababa in the 21st year." The scribe writes. Nababa leaves with the figs, Bandaba goes back home, and the scribe deposits the receipt in the back room with all the others.

Fast-forward to 230 BCE. Alexander the Great, emperor of the Greeks, is on a military campaign when he comes to the town of Persepolis. His soldiers breach the wall and sack the city. In the commotion, part of the city is set on fire. The fire burns near the city wall baking the clay bricks until they are too brittle to support the wall's massive weight. The wall buckles, and falls. The collapsing wall slams down on a structure housing thousands of documents, reducing the building to rubble, and burying the documents beneath it for thousands of years.

Fast forward to the 1930's CE. Archaeologists from the University of Chicago are digging in Iran, and unearth the documents that have been buried under that building for 2,260 years. Not much is known about the language that they were written in, so the Iranian scholars send the tablets back to the University of Chicago where they can be housed and available for study. The documents reveal a lot of new information about the language that was spoken in Persepolis all that time ago, but unfortunately, most of them are mundane, and don't arouse much attention from scholars because they simply aren't very interesting to read.

Fast-foward to 1997. Five Americans are in a shopping mall while they tour Jerusalem. They exit a store and walk out into the middle lobby when a suitcase explodes. Glass shatters, bodies break, five American tourists are killed. A group funded by the Iranian government claims responsibility for the bombing, and the surviving family members of the American tourists decide to sue the Iranian government for the deaths of their relatives. They win the lawsuit, awarded $71 million dollars, but Iran won't pay. So, the relatives decide to go after the Iranian possessions that are held by US institutions. The University of Chicago is ordered to divide the collection of tablets unearthed at Persepolis and sell them on the private market.

Most of the documents the University is ordered to sell are unimportant and boring on their own. Their only real value is as an entire collection, where they can tell us about the development of the city, the history of the economy, and reveal more information about the language that was spoken at the time. But the University has been ordered to sell the documents on the private market, where the only people who will buy them will be novelty seekers wanting a piece of something very old.

The decision has been appealed, and the University of Chicago is now battling to keep the tablets. If U of C loses the appeal, they'll have to sell this treasure to novelty seekers and destroy the entire collection. If they win, they can continue to house the tablets and learn more about the city, ancient culture, ancient language, and maybe ancient economies. But because they could lose and be forced to sell the whole collection, the University is busy photographing all of the documents. That way, if they do have to sell them, they'll still have some kind of archive to look back on.

Unfortunately, these documents are all written in clay, and simply taking pictures of them is often not enough. The scribes wrote on all six sides of the tiny rectangles, and in order to read what is written on them, they have to be tilted and turned so that the light can hit them at different angles. It's not possible to simply take a picture and read the photo. There are two methods going to record the images. In one method the tablet is photographed, tilted, and photographed again generating anywhere from six to seventeen photos of the tablet. These are then placed together as an archive of the tablet. Another method places the tablet under a special hood with 32 lights on it. There is a camera at the top that takes pictures of the tablet being lit from all sorts of different angles. Those pictures are then stitched together into an image of the tablet that where someone can rotate the light around the tablet almost as if you were controlling the flashlight being used to read it. So, while the appeal is in the court, the project is moving at as fast as it can to create a digital recreation of every one of these thousands of tablets.

I've been trying to get in on the project for a few months now. Originally I heard that I could get in on it, and then I heard that there might not be enough room on the machines to help. I kept asking and today I got an email saying that I can start tomorrow. Which means that tomorrow morning at 8:00, I'll be walking into the Oriental Institute to start editing the photos of these documents hoping to help preserve the Persepolis Administrative Archives. Man, this is cool. I can't wait to start.

Anne Rice and Divorcing the Church

2010-07-30T09:38:00.002-04:00

Anne Rice (who I didn't know existed until today) recently denounced Christianity. And to be honest, I completely understand why. In her words:

"In the name of Christ, I refuse to be anti-gay. I refuse to be anti-feminist. I refuse to be anti-artificial birth control. I refuse to be anti-Democrat. I refuse to be anti-secular humanism. I refuse to be anti-science. I refuse to be anti-life. In the name of Christ, I quit Christianity and quit being Christian. Amen."

I understand the sentiment, but in my opinion, the solution is all wrong. Christianity is complicated animal to say the least. It has been used as a staging ground for some of the most horrific displays of violence in history. And it has been the source of some of the most beautiful acts of compassion in recent history. When the Church is beautiful, we all want a seat in the pews. But when the Church becomes ugly it is only natural to ask, "What can I do?" And increasingly, the Christian answer has become: "Leave."

We can't continue to do this.

Though I agree with Anne Rice in "denouncing the antis," I disagree whole-heartedly with her solution. We as Christians have to stop seeing the church as a club that we can leave when we choose, and start seeing it as a family. Anne Rice decided to renounce Chrisianity because she didn't want to be anti-gay, anti-feminist, or anti-Democrat. But Christianity is none of these things. Christians are these things. More specifically, some Christians are these things. Christianity itself is not anti-gay, anti-feminist, or anti-Democrat. Christianity is based on the one crazy notion that humankind is estranged from God, and the only way back is through the salvific force of Christ's death on the cross. Everything else is secondary.

The fact is, I think some Christians are crazy. And most of those Christians, think I am crazy. But we have to stop seeing each other as warring sides, and start seeing each other (as G. K. Chesterton suggested) as ugly protrusions on an unshapely rock.

So what is the answer? What do I think we should do when we start worrying that our reputations will be ruined by being members of this ugly organism? My answer is to understand. Try to understand why some Christians are anti-gay. Try to understand why some Christians are anti-NIV, why some Christians are anti-tolerance, and why are some Christians are anti-Church. It's not enough to simply see that some Christians are this way, and divorce ourselves from them. We have to start asking why they believe these things in order to see what it is we hold in common.

There are Christians who say that you have to read the King James version of the Bible. I have to start understanding why they are saying this. Perhaps, they recognize that the Bible holds truth, and don't want to dilute that truth by making the Bible say whatever we want it to say. I admit, it is all too easy to misinterpret the Bible. But I disagree that we can safeguard against this pitfall by only accepting one translation. Regardless, I have to admit that the desire to preserve the truths of the Bible is a goal I am struggling toward as well.

There are Christians who say that homosexuality is a sin. I disagree with them, but I have to start understanding why they are so vehemently opposed to homosexuality. It's all to easy to claim that they are homophobes who want to oppress gays. The truth is, they courageously holding strong to an unpopular belief that they find in the Bible. I disagree with their interpretation, but agree that we must continue to consult the Bible, tease the truths out of it, and live unflinchingly by those truths. And honestly, I admire the courage it takes to stand up and champion a view that is so socially repugnant. It takes a lot of courage to look the world in the face and say, I know you're going to call me a demon, but this is what I believe. I have to start seeing why they behave like they do, and try to model that courage in my own way.

I personally do not believe in a fire and brimstone Hell, or a seven day creation, or the historical reality of the flood, or the Exodus from Egypt. I am not even certain of the historical reality of the miracles Christ performed in the Gospels. Many, many Christians disagree with me. But rather than hearing that I believe this and divorcing yourself from me, I want Christians to know why I believe this. I want Christians to understand that I believe in a God who works and speaks through human beings, and that the Bible is a terribly difficult book to read and interpret. And most of all, I want Christians to know that I think everything (even the resurrection) is secondary to the salvific force of the cross. I believe that Christ's death cleansed us of sin, and anyone who wants to become a child of God can—and must—do so through the sacrificial death of Christ on the cross.

I know my ideas are not popular among so-called "conservative Christians," and the ideas of some "conservative Christians" are not persuasive to me. But the fact remains, we are all members of the same body. We are all black-sheep. The sooner we start learning from each other instead of pretending that we aren't related, the sooner the world will start learning from us. The Church as a whole is a complicated collection of people holding strangely opposing views, but the one view we all agree on, the belief that Jesus' death on the cross is our only means of unification with God, is the strangest belief indeed. This one idea is so dramatically counter-intuitive to everything we know about the world, that the difference between sprinkling and dunking a baby pales in comparison. As G. K. Chesterton said, "This is knowing not only that the earth is round, but knowing exactly where it is flat."

Branden and Amy's Wedding

2010-07-26T09:35:00.002-04:00

Branden and Amy got married this past weekend down in Cleveland so Norah and I took a trip out there. We rode the Megabus down, which was much, much better than I had anticipated. The bus felt brand new and Norah seemed to really enjoy herself. The ability to get up and walk around made it much better for her, even if we only walked to the bathroom. Now that I've taken the Megabus from Chicago to Cleveland, I'd have to say I honestly prefer it over flying. There's just so little stress involved, the people talk to each other, and you don't feel like a terrorist when you get up to use the bathroom.

My brother Jim picked me up in downtown Cleveland and I'm glad because it was really good to see him. I hung out with my brother Jeremy that night, and then drove my mom's car down to Canton for a bachelor party camping trip that was the creme de la creme of camping trips. I pitched my brother Jim's tent, which is probably the biggest tent ever made. It's a five bedroom six and a half bath sort of thing with three stories and a nice view of the river. That night we went and played just about the rowdiest game of golf I've ever played. We definitely would have been kicked off of just about any course for some of the antics that night. For some reason the grass growing out of the floorboards of the pontoon boat that was parked next to a couple rusted out golf carts made us all think it was okay to golf in tee shirts and flip flops with about a hundred beers stuffed in our bags. Basically, it was awesome. I shot just under a thousand so I was happy.

That night I played poker until five in the morning, went to bed, and got up at 9 because the sun decided to repay me for something mean I said in Junior High. We ate breakfast and then sat in our camping chairs wondering why we picked a camp site that had no shade trees. There was cornhole, and lots of water drinking, but basically the morning was a big game of "Try not to sit on each other's lap in the shade of that Honda Civic." Eventually we hung a tarp between a car and a sapling and played, "Try not to sit on each other's lap in the shade of that tarp."

Around three or so, we went down to the river to ride some kayaks. Holy cow. 1) I've never seen that many people on a river before in my life. 2) I've never seen that many coolers on a river before. 3) I can't believe I didn't witness a drowning. I'm thinking there were close to a thousand people on the river that day, everyone just floating down drinking beers and chasing kids who were squirting us with squirt guns. I don't know if it's always like that on the weekends there or if we managed to congregate on some strange vernal equinox of drunken river riding, but it was fabulous. We basically tucked our oars in, grabbed the nearest kayak, and just floated down river. Branden managed to score some free beer off of passers by because he told them he was on his bachelor party. The rest of just just got jealous and floated for a couple hours enjoying the cool river.

That night we sat at the campfire and ate hobo dinners. (Cut stuff. Toss stuff in tin foil. Add fat. Toss tin foil ball into fire. Eat.) I went to bed relatively early that night (around 1) and got up in the morning to cook breakfast, tear down camp and drive home. Norah got to spend the weekend with Grandma, Poppa, Jim, Jer and Char and finished her visit by spending the day at the farm park milking cows and riding horses. She's talked about it a good deal since we got home. Meanwhile, I drove to my folks house and we went to dinner for my birthday.

I then spent the next couple days in Cleveland with my folks before Branden picked Norah and me up to help out at the Dreniks' where Branden's wedding was going to be held. We helped build a deck there until about midnight, and the next day my friend Tammy picked me up and drove me down to Canton. There we ate some tacos (delicious!) and went for a quick jaunty to Tagarts. Then Babs, Ryan, Clay and I hung out at the fire pit in the driveway.

Babs and I went to the Dreniks' the next day for some grass cutting, deck building, posion ivy raking, beer drinking, pool playing and a poker tournament. We were in bed around four in the morning, and then ate brunch at Yours Truly. Which means we beat you at the game of "Who can eat the best brunch on Saturday, July 24, 2010."

The wedding itself was probably the most fitting ceremony I've ever been to. Branden and Amy walked down the isle together and Amy's dog followed wearing a blue dress. The ceremony was in the back yard under a great big shade tree and a blue grass band played on the newly constructed deck. After the ceremony, I followed B and Amy in the car while they drove off on his motorcycle, and Kristin hung out of the passanger windo taking pictures of them while they drove. We got back, packed up and headed off to the winery where I ate a lot of cheese and drank a good deal of vino. There was something about that night with all my Canton friends, laughing and drinking and eating lots of cheese that made me remember again just how much I love that community of people. I can't really express how much I miss them while I'm gone, all I can say is that honestly, when we get together, I don't want it to stop. Ever. It's like the most sappy unreaslistic lifetime made-for-TV-movie you've ever seen—minus the domestic violence, kidnapped children, and drug abuse.

On Sunday, we caught up with Heather and Ryan who were driving to Michigan, and decided to swap out driving partners. So I rode with Ryan and Rach rode with Heather all the way into Indiana. It was really great to spend that extra time with the Battles's because I didn't get to see anywhere near enough of anyone the whole time. The extra hours in the car were like dessert. We parted ways in Indiana and Rach, Norah and I got home in time to unpack, and play some video games until we went to bed. (Ok, Rach went to bed early. I played video games.)

So, basically, this past week and a bit was one of the best weeks I've had in a long, long, long, lots more longs, time. Thanks to B and Amy for the wedding and a deep-hearted "I miss you" to my family and all my Canton friends.

I wish I had taken more pictures, but I'm an idiot and forgot my camera in the bag for most of the time. The pictures I did take will be put up on Facebook later because, yes... I'm back on Facebook. I know, I know. I'm eating my hat.

Cavs

2010-05-13T22:58:00.002-04:00

I admit, I've never been a big follower of the NBA. After watching tonight's game, I've decided I won't watch the sport any more. I boycott baseball because the league is doing nothing to combat the drug problem or the money problem, and the game is not fair as a result. The NBA is doing nothing to govern it's staff. And that's a big problem.

Granted, the Cavs deserved to lose tonight. They did not play their hearts out like they needed to. They didn't even foul when they were down by nine with a minute left. You have to try. It's not the season at risk, it's the franchise. Do something.

But that's not the reason I'm boycotting the NBA. I'm boycotting because of the officiating. It was painfully biased tonight in favor of the Celtics, and there is nothing that will be done about it. The players have complained all season long and the only result is fines for complaining. What do you do when you KNOW the refs are betting on the games? In the NBA? Nothing. No review boards, nothing. It's a sham. Nothing will be done to fix it. Even if James stays in Cleveland next year, and he won't, there is no way I'm watching another NBA game unless they iron out the problems with their awful officiating.

Again, I'm not blaming the officials for the Cavs losing. The Celtics beat us. Rondo is an amazing player, and Boston deserved the win. Only one player is playing at any one time on the Cavs. (Andiy is always playing, but otherwise, everyone sits back and dumps it to the guy who's hot.) Shaq did nothing in the playoffs, and Jamison was probably the worst player on our team. James didn't even look like he was putting in a full effort. We deserved to lose, and I hope the players on the Cavs feel it. They played poorly.

I'm sorry we lost. It's one more let-down for a Cleveland fan. I'm certain James will be on the Knicks next year, and I wish him well. I hope the Cavs do well without him, but I won't be watching.

Go Browns.

Why I deleted my Facebook Account

2010-05-02T18:34:00.003-04:00

When I logged into FB this morning, I got a message informing me that all the information I had posted on my FB page was going to be linked to different pages. Meaning that, like it or not, my profile was going to be linked all over FB's servers. Which makes this the third time I've had to hunt around FB's page to find out how to stop them from making my information public. It's not that I have something to hide from the public, it's really just that I don't want the whole advertising world knowing everything about my likes and dislikes. And this is the only reason I can assume FB wants to make my information public. So, today, I deleted my FB account. I know that there is no such thing as digital privacy, but FB has just been more aggressive about trying to make information public when I want to keep it private. So, I'm done with FB.

This whole thing has really made me wonder whether or not it's possible to go online with even a modicum of privacy. I guess not... so do I just stop going online?

New Fantast Football Drafting Idea

2010-04-29T11:40:00.002-04:00

I've been thinking about the NFL fantasy football draft for this year, and I think I have under-estimated the importance of the OL in my draft. It's easy to do, because almost nowhere do you see the OL stats tied to the individual player stats, but I think if you incorporate the OL stats into the stats for each position, you could really set up a solid drafting order. If I didn't have anything else to do, here's how I think it should be done, and why I think OL stats might be one of the most important factors for a player's draft value.

RB: If the OL is bad, then it doesn't matter how good the RB is. He's not going to get huge as often. Though a bad OL will mean lots of dumps to the RB, these dumps will usually be unplanned, and won't go for big yards.
WR: If the OL is bad, he won't have time to make his plays down field, meaning he's not going to get as many big point plays.
QB: Won't be able to throw to the WR because of pressure, so won't get huge yards.
TE: Here a bad OL is good for the player's stats. A bad OL will mean more passes to the TE because he'll be midfield, in the QB's view, when the QB is under pressure.

So... drafting my QB, WR, or RB would be based on the following criteria, in order:

1. Start here. Assign points to teams based on negative rushes, sacks, and QB hits. The team with the fewest points wins. (I don't know yet how to factor in things such as the Jets loss of Alan Faneca...)

Now the criteria for drafting each position depends on (in order):

For QB:
1. Last year's TD's
2. Last year's OL score - low is good
3. Last year's yardage
4. This year's starting RB

For RB:
1. Last year's OL score - low is good
2. Number of yards last year
3. Number of TD's last year

For WR:
1. Last year's OL score - low is good
2. Number of yards last year
3. Number of times thrown to last year/number of drops
3. Number of TD's last year

For TE:
1. Last year's OL score - here high is good... a bad OL means more dumps to RB and TE.
2. Number of TDs last year
3. Number of drops last year

The best player in the league gets one point in each category. This point is multiplied by three if it is the most important stat, by 2 if it's the second most important stat, etc... When you're done, you should have a point value for every player in the league, which should mean you can rank every player in the league for the draft.

Now, am I going to go add up all of that data? Probably not. If I did though, and drafted accordingly, I'd have the best team in the league. No doubt. (I always have to pick one sleeper though...)

Health Care Reform Predictions

2010-03-21T19:26:00.002-04:00

I've been watching live coverage on the Health Care Reform debate in Congress all day today, and I just now went to CNN to read what was being said. What caught me (again) were the comments. I'm continually amazed at the way we disagree with one another online, but I've talked about that before, so I won't do it again.

Right now, I want to take a minute to put into writing some of the predictions that you can find online. I'll check back on these in a while to see if any of these came true. I'm just going to read through the comments on CNN's page, and write down the predictions as I find them (I had to reword some of them for the sake of space and/or coherence) I'll put them down in the order I find them, though they're separated into two categories:

Predictions Favorable to Health Care Reform:

allamer: Lives will be saved.
quaidbrown: Fewer people will die.
Angeles53: Americans who do not have health insurance will be able to get it.
sbath: Never again will a single parent have to let their child go without health care because they can't afford it.
irukandji: Republicans will be voted out next year.

Predictions Unfavorable to Health Care Reform:

mugabekills: Democracy will end. / We will all eat cat food.
rileyroad: Physicians will retire and/or close their doors/Pharmacies will no loner accept insurance.
Anothermuse: CFO's will meet across the US tomorrow and decide that it is cheaper to pay the fine per employee than it is to simply pay for Health Care, resulting in dropping health care coverage across the board.
samikep: President Obama will try to abolish Freedom of Speech.
sbath: Millions of people will waste tax-payer money.
Observer1234: Many states will block the bill because it is non-sense.
JimmyOlson: Thousands who cannot afford healthcare today will be fined tomorrow for not being able to afford healthcare.
Abloynes: The Democrats will rule us in the future "socialist" redistributive America. / Insurance industries will all fold and the US government will be the only Insurance company in America.
FKNA: The US will become a socialist nation.
eclemo42: You will have to pay a lot of money for a terrible plan, and be penalized on top of that.
df444: Democrats will be voted out next year.
Manc6267: The Federal Government will pay a lot of money for abortions.
STORYBURN: The top 2% of wealth will be dragged back into pre-Regan tax structures.
Ringostar123: We will have to pay all of the money we don't have.
globaldecay: We will become a fascist government.

I just realized I've only read through posts from the last 9 minutes. So, this isn't a picture of what everyone has to say, but I am really surprised by how sharply divided the nature of those predictions really are.

Epistolary Structure of Disagreeing with someone on the Internet

2010-03-11T11:09:00.006-05:00

I was reading CNN today--like I do almost every day--and I accidentally started reading the comments again. I always do this. I get to the end of the article, and see that someone commented on it, and I'm curious about what they think. I think I might even half-way expect an informed response.

Inevitably, some guy named something like Starwhizard342 wrote something along the lines of: "I'm sorry, but everyone out there is a toolbucket. We should build robot-dogs and make them govern Somolia. If you disagree, you're a terrorist." I roll my eyes and move on to the next comment which is equally brilliant. Every now and then, I get so perturbed by Starwhizard342's complete disregard for logic that my brain falls out of my head and I start drafting a response. I pound the keys one finger at a time muttering to myself while I write out: "Dear Starwhizard342. I think you're wrong. And stupid." I then erase that and try to be cordial. So, I draft a forty line dissertation about the nuances of the socio-religious struggle in modern-day Somolia and why that means we shouldn't go in there and set up robot-dog police like Starwhizard recommended. Eventually, I realize that the only person who will actually read my comment is a person who actually knows something about the socio-religious struggle in modern-day Somolia. I admit to myself that I don't know what I'm talking about, and then I delete it.

Occasionally, I realize that I do, in fact, know what I'm talking about. We really shouldn't send robot dog police to Somolia. So, I reread and edit my response and hit "send" or whatever the button says, and sit back and wait for the comments to roll in. Usually, I'm fairly certain that what I've written down should fix every misconception held by each and every reader. So I'm always a little surprised when no one responds at all. Occasionally I'll get a "1 person likes this" which is almost more annoying than no response at all. And on the best of days, Starwhizard342 will respond by saying: "douche"

That's why I tend not to comment anymore. But today, I was so worked up that I really, really, really wanted to comment. But, because I knew that my comment was going to embody the very essence of futility, I managed to hold my tongue. Er, fingers...

After thinking about it (yes I thought about it... I know, there's something wrong.) I realized that I wasn't frustrated with the person's opinion, I was frustrated with the way the person argued. And I realized, there is a typical way of voicing disagreement on the Internet. It's almost an epistolary structure:

1 - Say that you're right.
1' - Claim that you are an expert in X.
2 - Say that everyone else is wrong.
2' - (Optional) Say that you love/hate America.
3 - Say that everyone who disagrees with you is an idiot.
4 - Remind everyone who disagrees with you that they are also the kind of person who rips puppies in half and drowns poor people. (Must type YOU in caps a lot.)
5 - Say how right you are again.

As I think about it, I'm not bothered by 1-3. It's really step 4 that gets to me for some reason. Why does everyone think that just because I disagree with you, it's because I'm the type of person who knocks over old people and pisses in their shoes? It's almost inevitable that when people disagree on the Internet, it's not enough to simply disagree, it's necessary to stifle the voice of all disagreement by saying that anyone who responds in disagreement is also a goat-headed-she-devil.

I know there's no fix to it. And I'm guessing that the social environment of the Internet will always be that way. Maybe it's some kind of commenter's road-rage. And even though I know it's impossible to fix it, I still find myself perturbed enough to respond from time to time. But, I think I've finally made up my mind. I will never again respond to a comment on CNN. Eventually, maybe I'll learn my lesson and ignore the comments section altogether.

Macaroni and Cheese Experiment

2010-03-02T17:07:00.003-05:00

I've looked online for some good macaroni and cheese recipes, and just can't seem to find anything that I think will taste like I want it. I'm looking for a really creamy, cheesy sauce that isn't oily and stringy. I'm also looking to get away from baking it, as I think that will reduce the creamy factor.

Seeing as I couldn't find anything online that I was enthused about, I figured I would try to make up a recipe. So, I'm going to document tonight's dinner experience and post about it later. (Probably tonight, but I do have work to do you know.)

Anyway, I also have an apple pie on the brain, so I have to get started. More to come...

Ok, so I did it. When I got started I realized that we had talked about trying to work more veggies into Norah's diet, so I started off by blending up a huge carrot and a zucchini. Toss that on to boil, and shredded some Cheddar, Gouda, and Fontinella cheese. Added that to the carrot/zucchini sauce and stir until melted. Then, I added some skim milk, and salt and pepper. Then, toss in a slurry (mix flour and water in a glass, then add it to the sauce.) Let the mixture simmer for a while. I then boiled up some shells and tossed them into the cheese sauce, and Norah ate it! WOW!!!!

I have pictures from the whole thing, but I have to do some homework so this will be a three-part post.

Oh, and I accidentally bought waaaaay too many apples, so I had to make two apple pies. Darn. ;)

America's Test Kitchen Chocolate Chip Cookies

2010-02-21T20:06:00.007-05:00

I made the chocolate chip cookie recipe from America's Test Kitchen (A PBS Cooking Show that Rachel and I love to watch on Sunday afternoons.) The recipe is a bit more involved than the recipe on the back of the chocolate chips, but I think it's worth the extra effort. These were easily the best chocolate chip cookies I've ever made. They were chewy, but not too soft, and had a hint of butterscotch flavor. Rach took some great pictures while we baked them, so I thought I'd post the recipe and the photos together.

Ingredients:
10 tablespoons butter
4 tablespoons butter
1/2 granulated white sugar
3/4 cup brown sugar
1 teaspoon table salt
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 large egg
1 egg yolk
1 3/4 cups unbleached all purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1 1/4 cups semi-sweet chocolate chips

Step 1: Find the cutest helper you can find.

Step 2: Preheat oven to 375 degrees f.

Step 3: Melt 10 tablespoons of butter in a pot (NOT non-stick.) The butter will foam up, so if you swirl it in the pan, you'll be able to see to the milk solids. (They sink and will be under the foam.) Just when the milk solids start to brown, take the butter off the heat.

Step 4: Add 4 tablespoons butter to the melted butter and let it melt (without heating it anymore.)

Step 5: Pour the melted butter into a bowl. Add 1/2 cup white sugar, 3/4 cup brown sugar, 1 teaspoon vanilla, and 1 teaspoon salt.

Step 6: Mix the sugar and butter mixture for thirty seconds or so, and let it sit for a minute. (If using a stand mixer, the lowest speed is fine.) Repeat three times. -- This step is important since letting the sugar sit for a minute in between mixing allows the sugars to melt, and caramelize before you cook it. This way the cookies come out with just the slightest hint of butterscotch flavor.) When finished the mixture should be glossy.

Step 7: Add the eggs and mix for thirty seconds or so.

Here's a shot of the mixture at this stage:

Step 8: In a separate bowl mix the flour and baking soda together. (I switched to a whisk at this point because I thought I remembered the TV show saying they whisked the flour in... but I think you could stick with the handle to avoid creating too much gluten.)

Step 9: Add the flour/baking soda mixture to the butter/sugar mixture. Mix until flour is incorporated. (If using a stand mixer, you'll want to scrape the bowl half way in between.)

Step 10: Stir in chocolate chips.

Norah kept telling Rach that the mixer was "Daddy's." I thought it was funny, so I made a label.

Step 11: Use 1/4 c. measuring cup to put hockey-pucks of cookie dough onto ungreased cookie sheet. (You can use parchment paper if you want. I didn't because my cookie sheet is really well seasoned.) If you then press the pucks a little flat, and use a spoon to create a tiny bit of a recess in the middle, they'll come out fairly uniformly cooked throughout.

Here's how I spaced the cookies out. Also, you'll want to cook one sheet at a time. Don't do two batches at once because the top batch will be over done, and the bottom will be under done. Because they cook so quickly, the time it takes to switch them in between will mess up the cooking process.

Sorry... no more cookie dough!

Step 12: Cook for 8 minutes or so. When the cookies are beginning to brown on the edges, and are still a little soft in the middle, take them out of the oven. They'll finish cooking while they cool for five minutes or so on the sheet. After they have cooled for a few minutes, let them finish cooling on a wire rack.

Step 13: Eat the best cookies you've ever eaten!!!

Hope you enjoy the recipe! And be sure to watch America's Test Kitchen... we love it.

Warning!! School Work Posting!!!

2010-02-09T16:29:00.005-05:00

The Code of Hammurabi is in the Louvre.
I have no idea why it is written sideways.

I've been knee deep in the Code of Hammurabi this quarter. (If you don't know, that's one of the earliest law "codes" that we have on record. I put "code" in quotes like that for reasons... but it's not worth going into here.)

Anyway, I'm really fascinated by what I'm doing, reading about soldiers and fisherman who loose their fields to another because they absented from their ilku service etc... (I know... BORING!) But to know that I am connected to these people who lived thousands of years ago, by reading their laws... its amazing. It's really, really amazing.

I get to learn what was important to them. The law codes deal a lot with slaves, and property and inheritance rules. I was surprised to see a law code in which the widow inherited a third of the father's land if he died and his boy was too young to inherit it. Which leads to questions like: why a third? How young is too young? What if he has no son? Etc...

I get to wonder whether or not people actually were put to death for all those things. A surprising number of the laws end with "iddak" meaning "He will be put to death." And, sometimes the penalties are strangely in favor of the wealthy. If you steal a boat from a palace, you have to pay back thirty boats. If you steal a boat from a commoner, you have to pay back ten boats. First of all, who has thirty boats? And why does the palace get a bigger recompense than the poor person? Oh, you don't have thirty boats? "iddak."

I get to ask questions about the practicality of the code. If a man's house is burning, and I am trying to put it out, and see something of his that I like, and take it... then they will throw me into that very fire. First of all, how often does this one happen that they took time to carve it into stone? Probably not that often... which leads us to guess that maybe these laws are supposed to explain really complicated circumstances, with the intention that easier cases can be judged based on them. If I steal something while putting out a fire in a guy's house (remember, that thing was going to get burned up if I hadn't come by) I get tossed into the fire. If I get killed for stealing something that was going to be destroyed anyway, then presumably, if I steal something from dude's house, when it isn't on fire... "iddak." But what about the fire? Remember, if I steal from dude's house while it's on fire... they will throw me into that very fire! Does that mean they had to keep the poor guy's house burning while someone fetched a judge to try the case in order for me to get tossed into that fire? Did the judge have to go check the stele to see what the law said before coming back to say, "Oh... toss him into the fire." It's odd how impractical some of the laws are, which leads me to think they were never intended to be real court guidelines. Yet, at the same time, some of them make perfect sense, and are likely to have served as real court case guidelines.

All in all, it's pretty dry stuff on the outside, but when you start picking it apart, and asking what does all of this tell you about society? You get to learn some pretty interesting stuff about how people lived and what they cared about several thousand years ago. And when you do that, you see that they were largely concerned about the same kinds of things we care about today. And that gives me a very eerie feeling of connection with people from thousands and thousands of years ago.

Well, I think it's neat anyway.

Pat Robertson's Remarks about Haiti

2010-01-20T16:25:00.002-05:00

I was offended by the remarks Pat Robertson made a few days ago about Haiti. (If you missed it: he claimed that they deserved the destruction of the earthquake because hundreds of years ago, they "made a pact with the devil.") I was horrified by what he said, and don't feel like I need to explain why.

But, because I was so offended, I went to the 700 club's website, and found a spot where they allow you to email Pat if you are seeking advice. So, I (a la Nathan) sent an email. I told him that I was guilt ridden over being judgmental. I asked what I should do if I said things that misrepresented Christ.

Today, I received an email in response. (I will include at the bottom of the post for anyone who wants to make sure I'm not taking things out of context.) In the email, Pat said:

"[...] All of us have times when we are offended by something. Sometimes we are right to be offended by someone's behavior, while other times we are not. [...] A good principle when someone sins against you is to go to that person privately, and let them know that you were offended. [...] If he or she repents, or if you find that you misunderstood him, then you have helped to mend that relationship. [...] If the person does not repent, then in some cases it may be helpful to take two or three spiritually mature Christians along with you to seek reconciliation. [...] Once you have followed through the complete process for attempting reconciliation with someone, if he or she still does not repent, then you are free to treat him or her as an unbeliever. [...]"

So, I emailed back saying that I was offended by what Pat Robertson said. According to this email, he's supposed to repent. If he doesn't, then I guess I'm supposed to get more people to ask him to repent. If he still doesn't, then (according to Pat) we can regard him as an unbeliever. So...

If you were offended by Pat Robertson's remarks, would you join me in emailing him? If enough Christians confront him about what he said, maybe he'll repent. If he doesn't, then I guess we can all regard him as an unbeliever. That's not my point of view mind you, it's his.

You can email Pat here: http://www.cbn.com/700club/features/BringItOn/askpat.aspx

And if you do, remind him of what he said. Tell him that if a fails to repent after being confronted, that person should be regarded as an unbeliever. Let's see if we can't get him to apologize for using his words to hurt the wounded, and for giving the world one more reason to hate Christians.

As promised, here's the full email. (Feel free to skip this if you want.)

"God bless you with His richest blessings today!

Forgiveness is a grace from God that we all need day by day. It is also a grace that we need to extend to others when they do something to offend us. All of us have times when we are offended by something. Sometimes we are right to be offended by someone's behavior, while other times we are not. Either way, God puts great emphasis on Christians resolving their conflicts with others, especially with other Christians. And we certainly need to let go of any bitterness, negative feelings, or grudge towards other people.

Jesus said, "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this shall all men know that you are my disciples, if you love one another" (John 13:34-35). When we love each other with Christian love, we will always want to resolve conflict in order to reconcile our relationships, instead of harboring a grudge against a brother or sister. We will want to remove any division between us, and bring healing to our relationships.

In Matthew 18:15-22 Jesus explained to His followers what to do when another Christian sinned against them. Today, individual churches may have different policies for handling offenses. You should check with your church leadership about this if someone in your church sins against you.

A good principle when someone sins against you is to go to that person privately, and let them know that you were offended (in some cases, it would not be wise to go to the person). You do not need to tell anyone else about the offense, (unless they are clearly at risk). You should go with a humble and loving attitude to the one who has offended you. Your desire is to win your brother or sister back, not to win an argument. Do not accuse the offender of wrong unless the offense was clearly sinful. If he or she repents, or if you find that you misunderstood him, then you have helped to mend that relationship. Once forgiveness has been extended, then do not bring up the offense again to anyone.

If the person does not repent, then in some cases it may be helpful to take two or three spiritually mature Christians along with you to seek reconciliation. However, keep in mind the policy of your organization for resolving disputes, whether you are in a church or a workplace.

Once you have followed through the complete process for attempting reconciliation with someone, if he or she still does not repent, then you are free to treat him or her as an unbeliever. In other words, you are not obligated to maintain Christian fellowship with that individual. You are not required in any way to extend trust to that person. On the other hand, you should not bear malice towards him or contemplate revenge (Romans 12:17-21). Release any anger you have and let the Lord heal you and set you free of the pain that anger can bring.

Forgiveness is crucial for the healing of relationships. It is also very important for our own health in a number of ways. Spiritually, we must forgive if we want God to forgive us. Jesus said, "For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men of their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins" (Matthew 6:14-15). Because we do not want anything to adversely affect our relationship with God, we should be quick to extend forgiveness to those who offend us.

When we forgive, we are positioning ourselves to enjoy the peace and joy Jesus came to give. We also experience more positive thinking patterns when we purpose to forgive. And, there are wonderful physical benefits when we decide to forgive. We become more relaxed, stress is reduced and we may even feel lighter and more energetic. All in all, forgiveness is good for us spiritually, emotionally and physically.

We encourage you to follow the way of forgiveness, and seek healing for any damaged relationships. As God has forgiven you, forgive others. The Lord bless you with peace and joy as you extend the grace of forgiveness to others."

Monkey in a People Suit: David Hume "Natural History of Religion"

2010-01-11T17:47:00.011-05:00

Hmm...

Forgive me for writing what will most certainly be a really boring Blog posting, but I think I might write a paper on this, so I thought I'd try it out first. If you're interested enough, tell me what you think!

David Hume

Philosophy is not funny. I understand that. But, I'm pretty sure something funny's going on in David Hume's "Natural History of Religion."

Before I read Hume's "Natural History of Religion" I liked the guy a lot. He had some interesting ideas about the limits of human understanding that really piqued my interest. (Pretend you're holding a ball and you're about to drop it. You know it's going to fall down right? Wrong. What you really know is that every time you've ever dropped something, it fell down. You assume that it will do the same thing again, and in all likelihood you're correct, but you can't know what will happen, you can only predict that what has always happened before will happen again.)

He opened my eyes to recognizing that what we so often mistake for Reason are really just beliefs. He taught me that even though some of the things I believe are impossible to prove with logic, that's okay. Because no one can prove anything beyond the shadow of a doubt using nothing but logic. When I was introduced to Hume, suddenly the burden of being responsible for proving everything I thought melted away. I was allowed to believe things again. And it was good.

Then, I read his "Natural History of Religion" and I wanted to break up with him. The book explains what Hume believes is the historical development of religious ideas. While it might have been attractive to some of the people in his day, I thought he sounded a bit, well, priggish.

Consider the way in which he juxtaposes the philosopher against the non-philosopher. (i.e. you and me.)

[Concerning the philosopher:] "What a noble privilege is it of human reason to attain the knowledge of the supreme Being; and, from the visible works of nature, be enabled to infer so sublime a principle as its supreme Creator? [Concerning you and me:] But turn the reverse of the medal. Survey most nations and most ages. Examine the religious principles, which have, in fact, prevailed the world. You will scarcely be persuaded, that they are any thing but sick men's dreams: Or perhaps will regard them more as the playsome whimsies of monkies in human shape, than the serious, positive, dogmatical asservations of a being, who dignifies himself with the name of rational."

Are you offended? Or are you okay with being called a monkey in a people-suit? You can see why I was so surprised by Hume. This is the same guy who let me off the hook on proving that God exists! Here he is claiming that nature proves that God exists! He and Kant almost single-handedly (ok, poor choice of words) taught me about the limits of human reason. It took a long time for me to come to grips with those limits, to accept that maybe I can't know things with as much certainty as I once thought I could. I finally found myself being comfortable with thinking that no one KNOWS that anything is true, that we just BELIEVE things to be true. I was finally starting to think like David Hume.

Then, he goes and calls me a monkey in a people-suit. Jerk.

But, then we discussed the book in class and my professor hinted that maybe we should read Hume as being ironic. Suddenly, lightbulbs starting going off in my brain. That's more like it. Suddenly "The Natural History of Religion" made sense again.

If he's being ironic, then when Hume talks about the vulgar, maybe he's really just parroting what the foundationalists (Enlightenment thinkers) would say about you and me. Maybe he's just letting them see how crazy it sounds when someone actually says what they think.

Consider when Hume said:

"Were men led into the apprehension of invisible, intelligent power by a contemplation of the works of nature, they could never possibly entertain any conception but of one single being, who bestowed existence and order on this vast machine, and adjusted all its parts according to one regular plan or connected system."

Basically, he's saying if we look at nature, we must conclude that a singular God set about making it. Why would Hume say this? Surely Hume recognizes that if we look at nature, we don't necessarily come to the belief that there is one single God. Looking at nature may lead some people to conclude that there is one God, but it makes others conclude that there is no God, and still others to conclude that there are multiple gods. Why doesn't Hume see this?

That's when I realized, Hume isn't being serious in this book. Well, he's being serious, but he's being at least a little funny.

You know how when you're in line at the grocery store, and that there's that annoying seven year old in line in front of you whining for a candy bar. His mom gets sick of hearing it and whines back at him "but I want the candy mom!" She's parroting him to show him how stupid he sounds.

That's what I think Hume is doing in "The Natural History." He's parroting the Foundationalists hoping that they'll see how weak their proofs really are.

When you read "The Natural History" in this way, it suddenly starts to make sense. He's not saying that people who base beliefs on experiences are monkeys in people-suits. What he's really saying is that the Foundationalist who thinks that all his beliefs rest on verifiable facts, is no better than the monkey in a people-suit whose beliefs rely on superstition and experience alone. So, you see, when Hume is railing against you and me, he's really railing against Foundationalists.

Only when you realize that the "Rational proofs" of the Foundationalists are on just as shakey ground as the things you and I believe do you realize that Hume is poking fun at them. In short, only when you start to think like David Hume do you realize how freaking funny this book really is.

Lol.

René Decartes

Browns Game

2009-12-28T09:59:00.007-05:00

Yesterday, I went to the Browns/Raiders game in Cleveland with my brother Jim. I haven't been to a game since I went with my friend Robert in fourth grade or so. I just want to say, Cleveland fans are AWESOME! Every time our defense is out there on third down, the whole stadium is barking. It's so cool to be a part of it. I loved sitting next to the dad and his son who were cuddled under a blanket drinking mountain dew, though the guy above them shouting obscenities to some Oakland fans was a bit much at one point. There were two Oakland fans sitting behind us, and I'm not sure they knew what football is. They seemed confused about the rules, and how exactly you got a first down. But that didn't keep them from talking as if they knew what they were saying. "Give him a cortisone shot he'll be fine!" she said. "Did you see him push the other guy like that? Where's the flag ref?!" He said about the Cleveland line protecting Derek Anderson. All in all, it was an awesome game, the snow started coming down in the fourth and I wasn't even cold. (Thanks to the toe warmers that Jim gave me.) And, I found out that if you get a funnel, and fill it with mustard, it fits perfectly into your soft pretzel, turning the food you're eating into the condiment holder for that food! Yeah, I'm brilliant. Oh, and we won. Because Charlie Fry sucks, and Jerome Harrison is an absolute work horse.

I know people only come here for the pictures, so here are some photos I took at the game. (Jim has really nice seats.)

Here's a shot with Eric Wright in it. He's my second favorite Brownie.
(Cribbs is my favorite of course.)

Here's Wright apparently not getting fouled as he fails to make an interception in the endzone. After the play, they said that his left foot was out of bounds. Gee... I wonder why.

In case you missed why Oakland's Routts (no. 26) was ejected from the game... here it is.
Why does this get you ejected from the game, but the previous photo isn't even a penalty? Hint: The guy in the brown shirt is a QB.

Here's Harrison's TD. If you could see a game clock, it would tell you that there were 14:15 left in the first quarter. It was crazy how quickly we got on top, and then never lost the lead.

Here's Eric Wright practicing his air pogo while David Bowens shows off his interception.

And finally, a shot of ~~Jerome Harrison~~ Mohamed Massaquoi catching a TD. (OK Jim, he's alright.)

Ok, so I didn't take those pictures. I got them from ESPN. But, it was fun pretending.

Thanks Jim for a great Christmas present. I really had a blast at the game!

1 Kings 1:13-17

2009-12-01T21:54:00.002-05:00

There's a little verse in Kings that struck me today. Here's my quick translation of 1 Kings 1:13-17 (Don't take this translation for more than it is, it's not an attempt at a great translation, I just want to get the point across):

Now, Hanah was praying in her heart, so her lips moved but she wasn't making any sound. Eli [the priest] saw her and took her for a drunkard. He said: "How long are you going to be making a drunk of yourself? Put your wine away!" She replied, "No my lord! My soul is distraught. I haven't had any alcohol at all! It is because I am so distraught that I have been pouring out my soul to God. Don't take your servant for a base woman, I have prayed for so long because I am have been injured so badly." Eli replied: "Go in peace. God will give you whatever you asked of him."

The reason I liked this verse so much when I read it today was because I can imagine myself in Eli's shoes. There I am: High Priest of Israel, sitting in my cool chair in God's living room, when I realize some drunk lady has been over there slobbering drunk drooling all over the golden lampstands for an hour now. I feel like I let it go long enough, let's be honest, she's starting to scare people away. So, I trudge out of my golden chair or whatever it is, and walk over to this bleary eyed woman and say "Hey! Y'old drunk. Wrap it up! How long are you going to sit there blabbing away like that?"

That's when I find out I'm a complete stuffed shirt tool-bag, and this lady is completely, emotionally, viscerated. Rather than coming across as a representative of God's love, rather than trying to help this poor injured woman, I re-victimized her with a snap judgement and a terse, self-righteous slap in the broken heart.

Knowing that I screwed up that bad, what do I do? Do I say, "I'm so sorry. I completely screwed up here, I thought you were... oh man. Sorry."

Nope. I buy her forgiveness by saying cheap and easy like, "Oh... well... God will give you whatever you've asked for."

And what's Hannah's response? (v. 18) "May your servant find favor in your eyes." Oh man... just when I thought I was home free, she goes and humbles herself to me! I'm the one that should be apologizing... geez. I better go back and sit in my chair and hope God doesn't send fire out from that burning cow over there to kill me right now.

In short, I read this little thing today, and it struck me how much like Eli I am. I love this little interaction. I have to play around with it some more, this is just my first response to reading it in Hebrew, but it's just so freaking human.

And, it's even more interesting to me right now that God ponies up to Eli's offer.

Of course, I'm reading myself way too deeply into this. I'm not saying that's what Eli was thinking or doing, just that I can see myself responding like Eli did, and my response would be ugly. Hopefully I'll learn something from that.

Driving Home from Beaver Falls

2009-11-29T20:04:00.004-05:00

Today, Rach and I drove from Beaver Falls to Chicago with Norah in the back seat. I'm pretty sure it was the best drive I've ever had. Even when I count up all those fabulous road trips I took in college, this was just something different. We listened to Sufjan Steven's Christmas Album, or just had the radio off, and drove the four hundred miles from Beaver Falls to Chicago. We decided to leave early, and take farm roads in order to skip long lines at the tolls on the state borders. We didn't leave as early as we wanted, so we missed alpenglow (when the sun just barely comes over the horizon), but when we got on the farm roads in PA it was magic hour, and the sunlight was digging into the clods of dirt and broken corn stalks. I only had to say "How pretty!" to Norah a few times before she started in on her own. For about twenty minutes, every little bump we crested Norah would say "So pretty!" (Or "Careful!") It was awesome.

When we got onto the turnpike in Ohio, I zonked out for a while and woke up somewhere on the other side of Toledo. We took a pit stop, and I took over driving for a while. When we got close to the Ohio border I decided to take the farm roads again, and man am I glad I did. It was just so nice to drive down those side roads watching the cows graze in the rain next to shattered remains of soggy brown barns. When we got back onto the highway in Indiana, Rach fell asleep and Norah just sat in her chair in the back singing quietly to herself and I kept the radio off. The rain kicked up a notch and Norah started laughing when the trucks passed.

Then, she shouted "Josh!"

and I responded: "Norah... I'm daddy."

"Josh!"

"Daddy."

"Uncle JOOOOOSH!"

"No Norah, Daddy."

"JOSH! JOSH! JOSH!"

That woke Rachel up, and she said "Norah, all done. No! Stop picking!"

Then Norah giggled, and Rach squeezed a dollop of lotion onto Norah's finger.

The rest of the drive consisted of increasing Chicago traffic and a breif screaming interlude. But even with the fifteen minutes of screaming baby, it still goes down as one of my favorite road trips of all time. I'm still not sure what it was about the drive, but it was a really fun day for me.

No, I'm not dead.

2009-10-30T17:52:00.002-04:00

Ok, every now and then I take this incredibly long hiatus from blogging. It's not that I don't have anything interesting to blog about, a ton has happened since my last post, it's just that I've been INSANELY busy with school this quarter. I really don't even have time to post right now, but I've started feeling guilty. You know, like when you haven't used your favorite mug in a while, and you think it's starting to get lonely? That's how I feel about my blog sometimes.

So, here's the update on the Joshua.

I'm trying to learn three languages at once.
Part of me wants to stop the post right there because I think it would be funny. And it would also almost be accurate. Trying to get the finer nuances of Hebrew vowel changes, while also learning Akkadian, and trying to self-teach German well enough to pass two translation exams... yeah. I'm pretty much up to here with the accusitive case. This whole learning lots of languages thing, and learning the rules behind languages reminds me of just how artificially we learn new languages here in the states. So many times when I'm reading something in Hebrew, I'll think to myself, "Wait! That's breaking the rules!" I forget that people who actually speak these languages fluently, are largely ignorant of the rules. For example: Let's say someone calls you on the phone and says, "Is Joshua there?" (Assume your name is Joshua) Do you think to yourself, "Ok, I need to construct a sentence consisting of the first person singular nominative independent pronoun used predicatively to the third person nominative neuter singular independent pronoun" before you say "It's me." And when you say, "It's me." Does anyone say, "Wait a minute! You just used the first person singular OBLIQUE independent pronoun! You can't do that! You're supposed to say 'It is I!'" No. No one says that, because when you know a language fluently, you don't care about the rules anymore. You just talk. I'll never be at that point with any of the languages I'm studying, (because they are all dead languages, and no one speaks them any more) but every now and then, I have to remind myself that these things are organic, and though we use rules to understand them, that doesn't mean the texts have to obey the rules all the time. And when they don't obey the rules, we get really cool passages.

Anyway, that's a very, very involved discussion regarding the fact that I'm trying to learn three languages right now. (Which no one, and I mean no one, should ever do.)

Now that I didn't just stop at "I'm trying to learn three languages at once." I realize that I don't really have anything else to talk about. Because that's pretty much the only thing I've been doing since the last time I posted. Which means that for over a month now, this blog has discussed nothing other than the fact that I'm learning different languages.

Which means if you're still reading, you must really like me. Thanks.

P.S. Rach and Norah are great. We're going to Madison this weekend for Halloween where we'll hang out with Tim, Marisa, Jim, Charlotte, Jeremy and Truman! (Oh, did I mention my big brother had a baby? Geez... I'm the most self-centered jerk sometimes.)

More on all that later, as I'm almost certain no one is reading anything this far down.

Okay. Bye.

Seriously. You can go now.

Frontyard Games

2009-09-17T08:41:00.004-04:00

When we were kids, we used to play some messed up games in the front yard. There are three that I remember in particular, and can't remember exactly how to play them. I don't know why, but I'm suddenly curious. The first one I found online, but can't find the other two. Does anyone know the games I'm talking about or how to play them?

The first one was called Witch in the Well and was basically tag with a ton of backstory. At first, all I remembered was the first of the Dad's lines, which I googled and found the game here.

It involved a short play followed by a game of tag. In the first scene, a few of us were on the porch and one person was hiding behind the bush near the street. One of the kids on the porch played the role of "Dad." He would turn to the others and say, "I'm going to town to smoke my pipe, I won't be back till Saturday night, so don't get into the brown sugar and butter." Then that kid would walk away and everyone on the porch would freak on pretend brown sugar and butter. When Dad got back he'd ask what you were doing and everyone would say "Ah.... er.... nothing! NOT A THING! Etc..." Dad would ask to check your hands and say "Dirty! Dirty! Dirty! Go wash them in the well!" You everyone walks to the well, and just when you get there the person hiding at the bush, who is playing the part of the witch, jumps out and everyone runs back to Dad. They tell Dad there's a witch in the well, and he goes to check it out.

I think in our games, when Dad got back to the well, the witch jumped out and there was a game of tag, but the website I found this on had another short play at the well. I think I remember us having a dialogue with the witch, but I can't remember it so I'll just put up what that guy used to say:

Dad says to the witch, "What are you doing in the well?"
The witch replies, "Smoking a pipe."
Dad asks, "Why are you smoking a pipe?"
The Witch answers, "To make ashes."
"Why are you making ashes?" Dad says,
"To sharpen my knife." the witch answers.
Dad finally asks, "Why are you sharpening your knife?"
The witch screams, "To CUT OFF YOUR HEADS!"

And then everybody runs for it. Whoever gets back to base first, plays Dad in the next round, and whoever gets tagged by the witch, is the Witch the next time. The game goes on like that forever, with the same lines repeated every time.

The second game was called Colored Eggs. I don't remember how to play that one at all, but I know there was some wolf involved who asked what colors you were and a game of tag.

The third game I don't remember at all, but I remember it involved saying "Mother May I?" Any ideas?

And if you played any whacked out yard games, tell me about them!

Madison

2009-09-09T12:07:00.006-04:00

Rachel and I went to Madison on a whim last Sunday and stayed there for Labor Day. We had a lot of fun just chillaxing with Tim and a very, very pregnant Marisa. I don't know how she stands up, let alone does everything she does. She's nuts.

Anyway, because our camera hasn't been working, we haven't been able to post many pictures up on the blog. Tim, on the other hand, not only has a functioning camera, but has a very nice, functioning camera. As a result, we have some fun photos from the weekend that I figured I'd post here. The first is currently my favorite photo of Norah to date. It sort of sums up the goofy zany personality she's been developing. I seriously love hanging out with the little girl. She's just so fun, and she's getting to be more and more of a clown every day. She's just a ham. Anyway, here are the pictures.

Here's that goofy face I was telling you about. Tim thinks she looks like Grandpa here. Ha!

When I first put this on her, I was surprised she didn't just rip it off. Then, she did.

Pick a hand! Any hand!

This cute moment was a second before Norah grabbed Rachel's hair and started pulling like she was trying to yank a horse out of the mud.

She thinks it's funny if you rub your hair in her face. Apparently she also thinks it's funny if you rub your mostly bald scalp in her face.

Hello!

One of her many moments of tackling an adult. Norah's new favorite game.

I see you!

Tackling an adult again.

After writing this I found out that my Brother and Sister-in-law who we went to see in Madison, just went to the hospital because her water broke. Which means, I'm about to have a niece or a nephew! Yippee!

Almost School Time!

2009-09-05T09:40:00.003-04:00

I have no idea what this says. But someday, I will.

I'm wrapping up my first summer of Daddy Day Care, and I must say it was more fun, and more draining that I thought it would be. Spending a large portion of the day talking to someone who can't say more than one word at a time, eventually made me thirsty for grown up discussion. Luckily for us, this was also an incredibly busy summer.

Norah has started talking more, and is officially at the stage in life where she repeats everything she hears. Which means when Norah drops something, or falls over, she says "Osh!" Which I'm pretty sure is her mimicking our attempts at self censorship. We don't say the whole thing, but we tend to catch ourselves at just the last syllable. Pretty much makes you feel like the world's worst parent. Oh well...

I also have made a full year now of being a vegetarian. I bring it up largely because I'm watching someone cut up the grossest looking fish I've ever seen on PBS. I don't know who this lady is, but even if I ate fish, I wouldn't eat that thing. It looks like a construction worker dropped it into an ash pit, dug it out with a shovel, and then drove over it. "Does this look like a sunset on the beach to you?" She just said. No miss. No it does not.

Anyway, Summer is winding down, and I'm trying to prepare for what looks like it will be the craziest Fall in my life. It's going to be as busy as a Nascar pitstop, but I'm excited for it to start.

I remember feeling this way when I was in elementary school, like I couldn't wait for school to start again. And I like feeling that way again. I'm excited to dive back into learning Hebrew, hopefully by the end of this year, I'll have a much better grasp on the language. I'm also going to take a class on Akkadian, which makes me both nervous and super excited. (The picture at the top of this post is a photo of a clay tablet written in Akkadian.) In addition to Hebrew and Akkadian, I'll be taking a class on the Biblical book of Amos, and sitting in a class on Ancient Mesopotamian Literature. That will be a pretty full schedule, but I'll also be applying for PhD positions at a handful of places, and filling out my petition for PhD work at the U of C. So, I should know where we're going to spend the next five [read eight] years by March of 2010. In between all of that, I'm trying to teach myself German so that I can pass a reading test this fall. If I don't pass, then I pretty much can't apply for a PhD anywhere. So I really have to make that a priority.

So, while it's been a pretty casual summer, I'm going to pay for it in just under 3 weeks. It's about to get pretty nuts around here for me. I feel like I'm in a canoe in a deep calm river of water, heading toward a sixty-foot raging waterfall.

Whoooooopieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

(>_<)

2009-08-27T10:54:00.003-04:00

Angry face.

I saw a link on CNN to a website called "Personas" developed by MIT where you can go, type in your name, and find out what kind of person the internet thinks you are. (You can try it for yourself here.)

So, I went and typed in my name and the results started pouring in. As I watched, I noticed a quote from one website that made me a little angry. Part of me was mad, because the quote was mean, but I was a more upset because it was true. And, let's be honest, nothing hurts more than when someone successfully points out one of your faults.

The full quote was: "Don't ask for help from friends like Joshua Elek who are completely incapable of being helpful when they see an opportunity to be funny."

See? Isn't that mean? And, isn't it worse that it's also kinda true? Wouldn't you be ticked off if someone said something like that about you on the Internet? Especially if you sort of agreed with it? Well, I was ticked. And I was going to find out who said it.

So I went to Google and searched for "Joshua Elek completely incapable of being helpful" or something like that, and hit enter. The results popped up and, boom. There it is, the exact quote... ON JR'S BLOG.

JR's BLOG?! WTF?! LIFE AS MISSION MY A**!

So, now I'm sitting at my computer thinking... JR? JR Rozko? JR ROZKO?! Why the hate man? Why you gotta be bashin' me on your blog for all the world to read... what did I do? You big mean jerk! I even helped you move! Who do you... Grrrrrr.....

Well, the quote wasn't right there on the page when I got there. So, I scrolled down through the post to find out what he's talking about. When did I refuse to help my good buddy JR because I wanted to be funny? Gotta see why Junior's all ROASTIN' me on his blog.

Eventually, I found the quote. It wasn't in the post. It was in the comments section, and JR didn't write it after all. In fact... it was me. I wrote it.

Oh. Duh.

Sorry JR.

The Order of Creation

2009-08-18T15:10:00.003-04:00

Notice the curios lack of a watch on either of God's wrists.

My friend Jay just pointed me to an online Bible app at http://www.youversion.com. It looks pretty neat and allows you to actually post little bits of commentary on verses that other people can read. (I still prefer The Unbound Bible for the record... just because it has the scholarly stuff that I need.) I started at Gen. 1, and noticed a note by someone claiming that the Day/Evening language in Gen. 1 supports the literal seven day creation timeline. So, I wrote a little note to explain why I disagree with that position, and figured I'd toss it up here for someone to discuss if you're feeling particularly geeky. Here's what I had to say about the order and timeline of creation in Genesis 1 and 2.

Often people consider the "evening/morning" language in Genesis 1 to be evidence that creation took place over seven twenty-four hour periods. There are certain issues with a literal reading of the creation account however. These problems do not imply that God was not responsible for creation, but they do point out that a literal reading of Genesis 1 requires a symbolic reading of other texts.

Gen. 1 can be read as a literal account of the creation of the world, only if Gen. 2 is not read as a literal account of the creation of the world. Let me show you why I say that:

The order of creation in Gen. 1:
Day 1: Day and Night (1:3-5)
Day 2: Sky and Sea (1:6-8)
Day 3: Land and Plants (1:9-13)
Day 4: Sun, Moon and Stars (1:14-19) [ignore the problem of plants growing before the creation of the Sun for now.]
Day 5: Sea creatures and birds. (1:20-23)
Day 6: Wild animals, then human kind. (1:25-31)
Day 7: Rest (2:1-3)

If we just read Genesis 1, there is no problem. Maybe God made everything just like this, in seven twenty-four hour periods. There is the issue of plants growing before the creation of the Sun, but we'll table that for now. So, according to Genesis 1:25-31, humankind was created on day 6, AFTER the plants, and wild animals were created.

The problem with this arises in Gen. 2:5-7. There we read that "no shrub of the field had yet appeared on the earth and no plant of the field had yet sprung up..." (2:5) Then, in 2:7, God creates man. After creating man, God plants a garden in Eden (2:8), creates all the living creatures (2:19), and finishes by creating woman (2:20-22).

So according to Gen. 1, plants are created, then animals, and humans are created last. But according to Gen. 2, Man is created, then plants are created, then animals, and woman last.

The NIV recognizes this problem, and does a little trick to the Hebrew that most people would never recognize. The Hebrew in Gen. 2:8 reads: "ויטע יהוה אלהים" or "wayyitta Adonai Elohim." The NIV translates that: "Now, the LORD God had planted..." The problem is, the verb "wayitta" is written in what is called the waw-consecutive, which is used to explain the order of events in a story. By using the waw-consecutive, the Hebrew is expressly saying that the planting happens AFTER the creation of Adam. The NIV's translation "Now, the LORD God had planted..." implies that the Garden was planted BEFORE God created Adam. In other words, the NIV's translation directly contradicts the Hebrew grammar in order to support a preconceived theological position on the text. In Hebrew it is clear that in Gen. 2, God creates Adam, and then plants a garden, and then places Adam in the garden, and then creates the animals, and only THEN does He create Eve.

Whether or not you understand all the scholarly mumbo-jumbo is not important. What is important is that in these verses, the NIV is altering the Biblical text in order to support a theological position, instead of altering their theology to align with the Biblical text. Some people may see what I'm writing here and assume that I'm trying to undermine the Bible. I'm actually trying to do the opposite. I'm trying to respect the words of the Bible, and form a theological position from what the Bible says, instead of changing the words in the Bible to fit my theological position.

So what do we do? Do we throw out the whole thing? Do we conclude that all the Bible is a lie, and it's all just fairy tales Jewish Mommies used to tell their Jewish Babies? Of course not. When we look at the text for what it is, and refuse to distort it so that it conforms to our preconceived notion of what it is supposed to be saying (which I claim the NIV is doing), we are made to ask why it is written as it is. Why do Genesis 1 and 2 provide different orders of creation? When we ask that question, we begin to see that God is less concerned with using the Bible to explain the order of creation, or exactly how long it took Him to do it, and more concerned with telling us that it was He who created everything. Humans were made first, humans were made last... whatever. 7 days, 700 billion years, who cares. The point is, God did it.

Note that if you disagree with everything I've said, and maintain that the order in Genesis 1 is the literal order of creation, then you still have to explain how light existed and plants grew before God created the Sun, Moon and stars. But, when we put the Bible before our theology, and read Gen. 1 and 2 as they are written instead of as we want them to be written, we find this discrepancy. And once we see it, I think we are forced to accept that the Bible wants to tell us not HOW everything was made, but WHO made it. And fortunately for us, when we read the creation account in that light, that pesky question of how plants grew before the creation of the Sun, doesn't really matter any more.

Oh, and just a note because I did read a quick blurb on someone else's comment. While the English uses the definite article in front of the days, (as in "The first day... the second day...") the Hebrew is actually lacking the definite article. A more accurate translation of the days would be "Day one... Day two... etc." But that's minor.

Better than Bible Gateway

2009-08-17T12:50:00.002-04:00

WARNING: GEEK ENTRY

I'm in a Biblical Studies program, so I have to read the Bible a lot. Often, when I need to copy and paste portions of the Bible into a paper, or just for study, I go to Biblegateway.com. Biblegateway provides a large number of translations, but does not include the RSV or the NRSV, versions which I prefer to the NIV/TNIV. So, I went shopping around and stumbled on this amazing Bible website. Strangely, I can get the RSV, and NRSV at The Unbound Bible, but I cannot get the NIV. Maybe there's some Coke vs. Pepsi thing going on with with two translations, whatever.

The reason this website is so great, is that I am able to examine the text in four different versions all at the same time. And I don't have to rely on translations either. There I can find the BHS with and without vowels, the Septuagint with and without accents, as well as with and without verb parsings. They have the Leningrad Codex, the Aleppo codex, and the Peshita, along with a myriad of other translations. Though it may be missing the NIV, the versions that it does have vastly outweigh that omission.

In short, if you're leading a Bible study and want to use the NIV because of its simplicity, or if you're just looking to examine a bunch of different English translations together, then go with Biblegateway.com. (But keep in mind, you'll be missing out on one of the best English translations to date, the NRSV.) If you want the scholarly tools, then definitely check out The Unbound Bible. (Oh, and the best thing about The Unbound Bible, is that the Hebrew copies and pastes right into Mellel, with perfect pointing. You just have to change the font to the SBL Hebrew font and it works great... now if only Times New Roman would learn how to point Hebrew...)

Queen Norah

2009-08-11T21:49:00.003-04:00

I have this bad habit lately of staying up waaay later than I need to. Basically, Rach goes to bed around ten, and that's when I realize that I can read whatever I want, and play whatever video game I want and watch Law and Order on Netflix for as long as I want, so I go hog wild and party like it's on sale for $19.99 every single night. As much fun as it is to stay up late in a quiet apartment reading and playing games and watching TV until 3 am every night... I always seem to forget that Norah doesn't care how late it was when I went to bed, she's getting up at 7:00 no matter what.

So, I woke up today, bleary eyed and smacking myself in the head while Norah sat in her bed saying "Down. Down. Down. Lilly. Lilly. Down." until I went and got her out of bed.

So, I poured two bowls of cereal, one for me and one for Norah; and I and threw some Tea on. (I've been drinking a lot of tea lately. Largely because it just seems like a hassle to make one cup of coffee.) Rach took off for work, and I decided that Norah and I were going to have a crafty day.

Norah and I have several different kinds of days. There are adventure days, where we go "Bye bye" in the "Stower." There are park days, where we go see the "buhds" in the "pahk" there are home days where we sit at home and play with blocks. There are learning days where we practice the alphabet. And then there are craft days, when we play with some home made playdough, or color, or make paper dolls, or just crinkle up paper and throw it around the apartment.

Today, I decided, would be a craft day. So, I took a diaper box out of Norah's closet, and made a little crown for Norah. I decided it needed some jewels, so I cut out some green circles, and gold circles, and some white diamonds, and put Norah's crown on. She thought it was hilarious, and kept tipping her head down and staring me down. That's when I decided to make her a scepter, and tied her blanket around her shoulders. That's pretty much all she needed to be Queen Norah, and we played around for the rest of the afternoon as Queen Norah and Squire Dad.

Our camera broke, but I did manage to grab a few photos with our Mac, so I figured I'd toss them up here. They're on Facebook right now, so I thought I'd toss the captions under the pictures here as well.

Princess Schmincess... I'm the QUEEN!

Cheeeeeeeeese!

I now pronounce you... CHIMICHANGA!

Um... yes. Now I shall eat a popsicle.

As you can see, we had a lot of fun. When Norah finally took a nap (at 12:00) she had me put the crown on her teddy bear, and then... (here's the best part) she napped until FIVE! Yeah...

Maybe tomorrow will be another craft day.

Norah's Animal Sounds

2009-07-22T09:22:00.005-04:00

Before we start, you should know that my dad, and Rachel's dad look like twins. Norah calls my dad "Poppa" and Rachel's dad "Pappy" but, as I'm sure you'll understand, she sometimes gets confused. My dad says that they don't look that much alike. But I disagree, and in order to prove my point, I made a little animated gif for you... hopefully you'll understand Norah's confusion:

On to the post: Norah has been learning her animal sounds lately, and we decided we would make a video of her doing them. Whenever I post videos like this, I worry that I'm posting a something that only the child's parent wants to see. I think of those shows I saw when I was a kid where the dad calls the neighbors over, sets up the slide projector and starts narrating through the slides like Ben Stine in Ferris Beuller's Day Off. I try to jazz these up and cut out the boring parts so they're not too grueling to sit through. But still, I think these videos are probably the 21st century equivalent of the boring slide projector show... so grab a shrimp cocktail and enjoy.

The following video is Norah showing off her family names and animal sounds. Oh, and in case you don't know, "Molly" is my parent's dog, and she is in the picture with my dad (Remember? He's "Poppa.") She just learned how to say Molly and she's pretty proud of herself. And we taught her a few animal sounds that are a bit, well... weird. Hopefully you'll understand.

Enjoy!

Can I buy Europe on Pump 4?

2009-07-15T15:28:00.003-04:00

Okay, I swore to myself a few days ago that I wouldn't post stupid links any more...

which is why I feel it's okay to post this link. I laughed so loud I had to shush myself so that I wouldn't wake Norah up. The guy's response to this is perfect. I mean, just when I thought my school loans were piling up... check this out.

Big Girl Bed

2009-07-11T21:53:00.005-04:00

Until tonight, when it came time for Norah to go to sleep, we'd put her in a pack-and-play, or in her crib. Both of those devices are really just pretty words used to describe roofless baby-cages. When you put your kid to bed in the crib, you know she's not going to do anything for the rest of the night, except maybe vomit on everything in a twelve foot diameter. But, at least she's safe. At least she can't get out and rummage around through her books or tear her alphabet poster off the wall and stomp on it like an enormous cockroach. She's not going to do a nose dive off of the foot board and go crashing face first into the radiator cover, because she's surrounded by teeny little hippos and bunnies and froggies in her pretty little baby-cage.

Tonight, everything changes. Norah's in her big girl bed for the first time, which means Rach and I are anticipating not sleeping very much at all tonight. I'm trying to put myself in her shoes, and well if I were Norah, and tonight was the first time in my life that I could finally get out of bed and do absolutely anything I wanted in my room all night long... well, you can bet I'd take advantage of my first night out of the slammer. I'd probably tie all my stuffed animals together, rip the pages out of every book I own, and climb as high as I possibly could onto my bookshelf to see if I could jump onto my bed from there.

I'm hoping we tuckered Norah out well enough, but I'm fairly certain she'll be up and rousing around her room at three in the morning. And you know, the more I think about it... I can get up and wander around my room at any ungodly hour... why don't I take advantage of that? That's it. I'm totally going to make a fort in the bath tub at four in the morning, why haven't I thought of this before now?

----

P.S. Does anyone know how annoying it is to have a misquito bite on the underside of your chin? Sucky.

Ten Things I Hate About Commandments

2009-07-02T17:40:00.003-04:00

Okay, as someone who wants to eventually become a Hebrew Bible scholar, I think this is hilarious. However, if I did not want to eventually become a Hebrew Bible scholar, I would think this is *&(*ing Hilarious. Enjoy.

(P.S. Thanks to Carl Hansel for sending this to me!)

Norah's Purple Bike

2009-06-29T10:18:00.003-04:00

When I was a kid, I had a dream one night that my parents had bought me a purple bike. When I got up, I didn't realize it was a dream, so I tore down the stairs and into the kitchen. I wolfed down my breakfast and said "Ok! Can I go ride my purple bike now?!" My mom looked confused and said "What purple bike?" So I reminded her of how she had bought me a purple bike, and we had put it next to the garage last night before I went to bed. She told me that it must have been a dream. Knowing that she was joking, I asked again, and she let me run out to the driveway. I ran next to the garage, and sure enough, there next to the garage, were the garbage cans. Just where they always were. No purple bike. It was a dream all along.

Why am I telling you this? Well, you should know that my friend Annette and her roommate have two cats. When Rach, Norah and I go to their apartment, Norah always runs into their bedrooms, lays on her belly, lifts up the bed skirt, and says "Meow! Meow!" Because the cats always hide from Norah under the bed. Then, this weekend, we went to my sister-in-law's baby shower in Madison at their friend K.C. and Todd's house. K.C. and Todd also own two cats. So, for most of the time that I was there, Norah was running around the house, looking under tables and pointing at curtains saying, "Meow! Meow!" What can I say? The girl likes cats.

So, I'm telling you the story about my purple bike, because ever since Norah woke up this morning, she's been walking around the apartment looking under ever piece of furniture we own saying "Meow! Meow!" And the only explanation I can think of, is that she had a dream last night, that we got a purple cat.

Neda

2009-06-21T23:34:00.004-04:00

It's father's day, and I can't help but think of Neda's father and the video of him screaming while his daughter bleeds to death on a street in Tehran. She was shot and killed by a government paramilitary man who was hiding in a nearby building simply because she was in the street, protesting. It is deeply saddening. Now that I have a daughter, I can't help but think of the emotions I would be feeling if I were him. I imagine I would be erupting inside, with nothing to throw my anger on. While I'm not certain what to think of Moussavi, he is not the saint he's being painted by some media outlets, I am glad to see that the people of Iran are proving that the sovereignty of a dictator can be forced by the hand of the people he rules. Maybe, Neda did not die in vain. But no matter what her effect may be on this revolt, I can't help but feel deeply sad for her father on father's day. To think, earlier today, I was sitting at the table sharing my bubble tea with Norah; and this man is half a world away, probably with his daughter's blood still under his fingernails, weeping. Sorry, I don't mean to be ultra dramatic or anything, I just can't stop thinking about it.

Finish one year of Grad school: Check.

2009-06-08T11:57:00.002-04:00

I'm done with my first year of Graduate school

And let me say how excited I am to have had the luxury to study this stuff for a whole year. I love my program and love the things I'm studying. I really can't wait for next year to come around so that I can get knee deep in it again, so I'll be working on a paper and brushing up on my German over the summer. I really do love this crap.

Oh, and just so everyone knows, when I got in to take my test today, guess what passage I had to translate? That's right: Genesis 22.

Can I get a "What! What!"

Now... on to video games.

The Akedah Gen. 22

2009-06-06T19:02:00.004-04:00

This 17th Century painting of the Akedah by Caravaggio is my favorite representation of the event because more than any other painting that I know, it shows the fear that Issac must have felt, and the force of Abraham's hand on his neck shows how serious he is about doing it. That, and it looks like the angel is wearing a latex glove. Which is funny.

Tomorrow marks the one year anniversary of our moving to Chicago, and on Monday, I will finish my first year of my Master's program. In honor of both of these, I wanted to post what I think has been the most interesting passage I've examined this year. It is called the Akedah because the verb used to say that Abraham "bound" Issac is עקד (pronounced: ah-KAD). The chapter is incredibly interesting for a number of reasons that I won't go into right now. Instead, I wanted to toot my own horn a bit, and give you my translation of the chapter. Mind you, this is the product of one year's worth of Hebrew, so don't put too much theological weight on this translation, because it's probably wrong in a myriad of ways.

Here you go:

Genesis 22: 1-19
(1) And after these things God tested Abraham. He said to him "Abraham."

Abraham replied "Here am I."

(2) And God said "Take your son, your only one, whom you love, Issac, and go to the land of Moriah. Go up there to offer a burnt sacrifice on one of the mountains that I will say to you.

(3) Early in the morning, Abraham saddled the donkey and he took his two attendants with him, and Issac his son. He split the wood for the burnt offering and he arose and went to the place that God had said to him. (4) On the third day, Abraham lifted his eyes and he saw the place from afar.

(5) Abraham said to his attendants, "You remain here with the donkey, but let the boy and I go over there. We will worship, and then we will return to you."

(6) Abraham took the wood for the burnt offering and placed it on Issac, his son. He took in his hand the fire and the knife; and they went out, the two of them together.

(7) Issac said to Abraham his father, "My father,"

Abraham replied, "Here am I, my son."

And Issac said "Here is the fire, and the wood, but where is the sheep for the burnt offering?"

(8) Abraham answered "God will see to the sheep for the burnt offering for himself my son." And they went, the two of them together.

(9) They entered the place that God had said to him, and Abraham built an altar there. He arranged the wood, and then he bound (ויעקד) Issac, his son, and placed him on the altar above the wood. Then, Abraham reached out his hand, and took the knife to slaughter his son.

(11) Then, an Angel of the LORD called to him from the sky saying "Abraham! Abraham!"

and Abraham replied "Here am I."

(12) The angel said "Do not reach out your hand to the boy, and do not do anything to him, because now I know that you fear God, because you did not withhold your only son from me. (13) Abraham lifted his eyes, and he saw a single ram stuck in the thicket by its horns. Abraham went, and took the ram, and he offered it as a burnt offering instead of his son. (14) Abraham called that place "`Adonai Yir`eh" [The LORD saw ], which is why it is said today on the mountain "`Adonai Yera`eh" [The LORD is seen].

(15) An angel of the LORD called to Abraham a second time from the sky (16) saying, "By myself I swear, declares the LORD, that because you did this thing, and did not withhold your only son (17) I will surely bless you and I will greatly increase your offspring so that they are like the stars of the sky, and like the sand that is on the shore of the sea. Your offspring will inherit the gates of his enemies. (18) And by your offspring, all the nations of the world will bless themselves, because you obeyed my voice."

(19) Abraham returned to his attendants and they arose and went together to Beer-Sheba. Abraham dwelt in Beer-Sheba.

There are a few interpretive choices I have made, like saying "Answered" or "replied" instead of just "said" And choosing to include the name of the speaker in some cases where the Hebrew just says "He said" (Not "Abraham answered")

I also must admit that I don't really know the best way to translate verse 14. I have it translated here as saying "That is why it is said today on the mountain, "The LORD is seen" instead of "That is why it is said today in the mountain of the LORD, "He is seen" or "That is why it is said today "On the mountain of The LORD there is sight." all of these translations are possible in the Hebrew, as far as I know, it's a pretty confusing verse becasue certain grammatical constructs are all possible, and they all make sense. So the choice is really based on your historical analysis, and I chose my interpretation because I think this was writen by E in the Northen Kingdom, and therefore would not have worshipped on the Mountain of the LORD in Jerusalem. Of course that doesn't mean this is correct, that's just the reason I did it the way I did.)

I'm sure I'll read this a while later and think, what the heck were you reading? That's not what it says at all!!! But, at any rate, this is what a year of Hebrew got me, and I'm pretty psyched about it.

One more week

2009-05-30T11:46:00.003-04:00

In one week, I'll be done with my first year at U of C. It's been a really amazing year, I can't believe all that I've learned. I am really excited to stop classes so that I can sit and wait for the world to stop spinning long enough for me to reflect on where I am relative to where I began. This summer should be good for that. (In between trying to go through Hebrew Grammars, teach myself German again, and write a paper that I can use to petition to PhD programs.)

Anyway, I'm not writing about any of that today, because I have to work on a paper that is discussing an Assyrian incantation to protect someone who has received an omen that portents the destruction of his household. Instead, I've decided to tell you that this morning, Norah is running around the apartment while Rachel cleans everything in sight, wearing her pajamas, gold colored sandals, and swimming goggles. That's when you realize that all this academic stuff is neat, but really, all I want is to be a kid again so I can run around the apartment in my pajamas wearing golden sandals and goggles.

(Our camera is broken so I had to take this picture with the computer. But you get the idea.)

Blah

2009-05-19T11:49:00.003-04:00

Ever have one of those days where you are walking around, and it's gorgeous outside, and everything is right in the world, and then you suddenly just feel like it all falls apart? Not that everything fell apart by any means, but today, for whatever reason, I'm just feeling like I'm in over my head. This program is so chalk full of incredibly brilliant people, and some of them are so freaking good at this stuff, that I am just feeling a little bit out of my league. I know that I can do this, and I'm not fishing for compliments or anything, I'm just trying to get it out there. Sometimes, you just don't think your going to last very long swimming with the sharks.

I'll get over it, and I'll translate a few more chapters of Genesis today, and work on a paper on Gen. 14, but sometimes (and I imagine most people feel this way every now and then) I just feel like I've fooled someone, there's no way I'm smart enough to be here, doing this, no matter how much I love doing it.

Now I'm nervous that everyone's going to leave comments about how I AM smart, and I CAN do this. I know I am, and I know I can. It's just... one of those days.

Ok. On to translating.

Goodbye Mr. Lambdin!

2009-05-15T18:55:00.002-04:00

Today, at 9:40, I closed the cover of Thomas O. Lambdin's Introduction to Biblical Hebrew, and I won't have to open it again until September!

Needless to say, there has been a spring in my step all day long.

GOOD BYE MR. LAMBDIN!

Akkadian Magical Incantation

2009-05-13T20:06:00.002-04:00

I'm taking a class on Ancient Near Eastern Myth and Magic this quarter, and we just got into the texts on Magic. And, since this spell I just read was so similar in it's subject matter to the previous post, I figured I'd let you read it. It's called:

Against Flatulence

Wind, O wind!
Wind, you are the fire of the gods.
You are the wind between turd and urine.
You have come out and taken your place
Among the gods, your brethren.

So next time you're on a hot date accidentally blast one out, instead of looking all embarrased, you can just say this spell, and everything will be okay. Who knows, maybe it even helps prevent skid-marks!

This is from Foster's translation in: Benjamin R. Foster. Before the Muses: An Anthology of Akkadian Literature. CDL Press: Bethesda Maryland, 2005. p.973. (I figured I'd cite it since I copied the whole incantation down, I want to make sure I don't violate any copyrights or anything.)

Charmin Bears

2009-05-12T22:43:00.006-04:00

So there I am, hanging out on the couch with Rach, watching some TV just minding my own business, when one of those disgusting Charmin commercials comes on.

I mean SERIOUSLY!

You know the commercial I'm talking about, the one with the cute little teddy bears, out in the woods with bits of toilet paper stuck in their butt hair?!!!

What the heck? Wha... who? Whekaeonaiodi ae!?!?!?

Ok... two questions:

What advertising agency said to some company exec, "So yeah, then we do a close up on the shredded bits of crusted nasty old toilet paper stuck in its butt hair."

And more importantly, what company exec said "Good idea! Here's thirty thousand dollars."

What the @#$%!! is Charmin thinking? Those commercials are probably the A-number-one-single-most disgusting things I have seen on TV. I'd rather watch a thousand condom, KY, tampon and douce commercials back to back than sit through one more Charmin commercial with a close up on the butt hair.

Yuck.

Things I said on my Walk Yesterday

2009-05-03T09:23:00.002-04:00

Norah didn't nap well yesterday morning, which was unfortunate because I still have to translate three chapters of Genesis for Monday's study group. But because she wasn't sleeping, and because it was such a nice day, I decided to take her over to the play ground, and then walk to the grocery store. She loved swinging in the swing, and managed to walk up to the slide all by herself! But the walk to the grocery store was probably the best part. Rather than describe the walk, I figured I'd just list some of the things I said on the walk to give you a feel for how it went.

"Okay Norah, it's time to go to the store now."

"No, that's not our big wheel. Ok, let's go"

"Look a bird!"

"No, don't eat that... yuck YUCK! Ewww... Ok. See, oh sick."

"Yeah, that's what you get for putting dirt clumps in your mouth."

"Oh did you find something. Ok, thank you."

"Um, you just gave me a bee."

"No, that's not our house."

"Okay, but we can't run out into the street okay."

"No, that's not our car, we can only open our car."

"Doggie!"

"Norah, that bush has pricklies on it."

"Ok, stop smacking at the bush."

"No, that's not our house."

"We have to hold hands crossing the street."

"Can you say Hi!"

"Now I think that bush has pricklies too. Don't swat at it."

"No, Norah, we're going to the store, not the restaurant."

"You can't pick that rock up Norah, it's part of the sidewalk."

"Oh, did you find another stick!"

"Okay, here we are. Let's get in the cart."

The walk back was much less interesting because my brother called from Europe and needed me to check something out online. I knew it would take forever for Norah to walk home, so she went up on my shoulders and I carried the groceries. But, she was not happy about being up there so for the whole walk home I was basically pumping out one arm while using the other to keep Norah on my shoulders while she ripped at my glasses and smacked my head and screamed. As I passed families on the sidewalk I tried to look normal, but sometimes you just gotta do what you've gotta do.

Norah, Bible Stuff, Business.

2009-04-28T20:19:00.003-04:00

We went to see a specialist yesterday about Norah's small vocabulary. Rachel and I weren't terribly concerned about it, and I don't think we are extremely worried now, but we did learn that she seems to be having some trouble. She should have a larger vocabulary right now, and she should be more closely mimicking our words, but she seems to be having trouble planning. Basically that means that she is vocalizing the sounds before she shapes her mouth to make the sound she wants to make. The result is saying "ah" instead of "ba" because she doesn't put her lips together first. It's not that she can't put her lips together, just that she's not thinking about it enough to do it. It's not a terribly alarming thing, and she'll probably catch on quickly, but we are now spending a lot of time hanging out sitting on the floor with her saying "Norah, can you get the ffffffffffffffffffffffffffone.?" It's a little wierd to be talking like that, but hey... if it's what she needs, then it's no trouble.

Other than that, I'm still working through my last quarter of the first year of my M.A. I'm really excited about the stuff I've been learning this quarter. I'm taking my Hebrew course, so I'm still learning the language. (We will actually finish the grammar next week.) On top of that I'm taking a class on the book of Genesis and another class on Ancient Near Eastern Myth and Magic. So right now I'm getting to study the stuff I want to study for the rest of my life. It's pretty much the best thing ever.

Right now, I'm working on a paper comparing the Myth of Atrahasis to the eleventh tablet of the Epic of Gilgamesh, and the flood account in Genesis. Right now, I'm basically focusing on the divine motivation to destroy the earth by flood. Both the Mesopotamian accounts and the Gensis account claim that the divine motivation is peturbance. But while the Genesis account claims that God was peturbed by sin, the mesopotamian accounts claim that the gods are peturbed with noise (and over-population.) I think there's something there that could inform us about the Biblical understanding of God compared to the Mesopotamian concept of god, and I'm working on looking into that.

So, most of what's going on in my life. Sorry I haven't posted in so long, but I assume that no one really cares about the stuff I'm studying, and right now, that's really all I have to talk about. Then I realized, the stuff I'm studying is probably the most interesting stuff in the world... so I figured I'd go ahead and say a word or two about it.

That's all for now. I'll post again when I can... thanks for sticking around through the sparse updates!!!

And as a special treat:

I'm pretty sure my labelling is correct here. I haven't done any in-depth study on these things yet, so I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure I'm right here. The stylized tree and the solar [sun/shamash] disc is particularly interesting to me, because some people are equating the stylized tree with the Tree of Life in Genesis, and some have said that the Hebrews adopted the solar disc as a symbol to represent the Hebrew God. I'm not terribly persuaded by either position, but I haven't studied them a whole lot yet either so... take it or leave it.

So there you have it! I'm getting to the point where I can look at those ancient Sumerian/Babylonian/Assyrian cylinder seals, and know what I'm looking at! Just so long as I don't have to read the Sumerian or Akkadian... that comes next.

Facebook Friends

2009-03-25T17:37:00.004-04:00

It finally got to the point where I was friends with people on Facebook, and had no idea who some of them were. It wasn't such a big deal, but then I realized, I never read about what's going on in the lives of the people that I actually care about, because the status updates page was always flooded with statuses from people who I don't really care about. It's not that I'm a jerk (okay, maybe it is) it's that I was friends with so many people from the past who I know I won't maintain any kind of relationship with, and a LOT who called me a bleeping-bleeper every weekend for three years at WJU. So, I went through and deleted the friends I thought I'd never talk to again.

Unfortunately, something went wrong. I realized when I was finished that I wasn't friends with Rachel any more. So... I must have done something wrong. All that to say, if we are no longer facebook friends, it means I either thought we'd never talk again, you used to slam beers in my face every weekend and call me a blankety-blank-blank, or I accidentally deleted you and I'm still friends with the kid who slammed beers and swore at me.

I guess it wasn't that helpful afterall.

2nd Quarter: D-U-N!

2009-03-20T17:54:00.004-04:00

Take THAT! Peter Brown!

Remember that paper I was telling you about? The one that no one would want to read, or read about? Well I'm done with it, and that means I have officially finished two quarters! That means, just 4 more and I have my M.A. And just 22 more quarters and I'll have my PhD. ;)

I would love to chat about all the things I've learned, but I want to keep having people visit my blog. Instead, I'll just include my favorite line from the paper you see up there. It goes like this:

"He wasn't just an emaciated-carnival-freak-side-show-monk, he was an emaciated-carnival-freak-side-show-monk who could heal dragons."

NBC Kings

2009-03-16T00:40:00.003-04:00

Hats off to the makers of NBC's new show "Kings." I'm not one to say that I think something on TV was good, but this was a show that kept me saying, "Wow. They're really doing this."

I've read a few reviews already, and I'm surprised to see how few people are catching the immense use of symbolism in the movie. Everyone gets the "David vs. Goliath" thing, but few people seem to understand that this show is not just an allegory to the story of the Bible's King David from 1 and 2 Samuel; this show IS the story of King David set in contemporary times. In case you missed it, here are some of the analogues I found tonight:

(TV) Silas = Saul (Bible)
(TV) David Shepherd = David the shepherd son of Jesse and King of Israel (1 Sam 16:11)
(TV) David Shepherd's brother Eli = Eliab son of Jesse, brother or David (1 Sam 16:6)
(TV) Reverend Ephrem Samuel = Prophet Samuel (from Ephraim) who anoints King Saul and King David. (1 Sam 1:1, 1 Sam 1:20, 1 Sam 10:1, 1 Sam 16:13)
(TV) Reverend Samuel says to King Silas "Because you rejected God's command, he has rejected you as King" = Prophet Samuel says to King Saul "Because you rejected the Lord's command he has rejected you as King" (1 Sam 15:23)
Reverend Samuel's pre-Goliath appearance to David Shepherd = Prophet Samuel's pre-Goliath appearance to David son of Jesse (1 Sam 16:12)
(TV) Shiloh = The place where God's word was revealed to the prophet Samuel (1 Kings 3:21)
(TV) Six brothers of David Shepherd = 7 brothers of David (1 Sam 16:10)
(TV) David's friend Nathan = Prophet Nathan? (2 Sam 7)
(TV) Goliath = Goliath (1 Sam 17)
(TV) Gath = Hometown of Goliath (1 Sam 17:23)
(TV) Shoulder mounted Rocket = Sling (1 Sam 17:49)
(TV) Silas' daughter dating David Shepherd = Saul giving daughter Merab to David (1 Sam 18:17)
(TV) Jack Benjamin, son of Silas = Jonathan son of Saul of the tribe of Benjamin (1 Sam 9:16, 1 Sam 13:2)
(TV) Historian saying "And it happened that" = Very common Biblical Hebrew narrative "vayehee" sequence which translates "And it happened that"
(TV) Silas' commanding officer Abner = Saul's commanding officer Abner (1 Sam 14:50)
(TV) David Shepherd, Piano player = David son of Jesse, Lyre player (1 Sam 16:16)
(TV) Homosexual Jonathan = One interpretation of "Jonathan's soul became bound up with the soul of David; Jonathan loved David as himself... Saul's son Jonathan was very fond of David." etc. (1 Sam 18:1. 1 Sam 19:1)
(TV) Silas promotes David to Captain = Saul promotes David to "chief of a thousand." (1 Sam 18:14)

There are more, but I wanted to point out the ones that jumped right out there. I'm surprised that the producers managed to write a story that felt new enough that many critics did not see all the biblical allusions right away. It seems as though the writers are really trying to do a modern rewrite of the Biblical story of King David. They're not trying to allude to it, they're not trying to bring in subtle details and make a new story of it, they're writing the story of 1 Sam. as if it happened today. And I think they're doing it quite well.

All that to say, if you missed Kings, check it out. Yes it is grandiose, but it's a story about the most famous King of Israel, one of the most famous Kings of all time. It should be grandiose. Critics are wrong in critiquing the show for overreaching. It's supposed to feel grandiose, it is recreating epic Biblical stories. Silas has to be a King, and wierd things like butterflies lighting on David to coronate him should happen as signifying God's selectin of David over Saul. These aren't cheesy moder devices of lazy writers, they are an attempt to couch Biblical narrative in modern images, and it's fun to watch.

Oh, and if you watched it and saw any symbolism I missed, go ahead and include it in the comments... I'm curious to hear what people found that I didn't pick up on. I'm particularly curious to hear what people thing Crossgen represents...

Tim Heads

2009-03-15T17:00:00.003-04:00

I feel like I haven't been good at updating, because I haven't been good at updating. So here's a quick one for you.

1. My quarter is almost over. Classes were amazing, and really hard this time. I had a lot more work than usual, and am still trying to grind my way through what they say is the hardest part of Hebrew. I'm done on Friday.

2. Rach and I are thinking about getting a dog. We'll see. I want a Border Terrier, but I think they're too expensive. We'll see.

3. Norah still is not talking. I hope she starts using words soon, I don't know when I should start to worry, but the doctor was worried months ago, and she hasn't really made any progress since then. We'll see.

4. My brother Tim has a new website, much to his chagrin I'm sure... though I realize I don't really know what that expression means. (Warning, some of the images might disturb more sensative viewers, and one or two probably wouldn't make it on broadcast TV.) Some of his old friends from work put this little thing together, and well, I thought some of you might enjoy it. Spread the word, let's get 10,000 Timheads by the end of the month... c'mon! We can do it!!!

5. I have to go study some more. Bye now!

Awesomest Fort EVER!

2009-02-15T19:11:00.008-05:00

This afternoon, I decided to break down the couch, slide over the table and the rug, tip some chairs, drape blankets,, and make a fort. It was pretty much the best thing that's ever happened in my whole life. (Ok... that's not entirely true.)

Anyway, because the fort was so incredibly awesome, I decided to document it so I could show you the righteous awesomeness that was happening in Apt. 507 today.

Check that out! Isn't that the best thing you've ever seen? Oh, and in case you're wondering, yes, it does take a full ninety degree turn. Go ahead, you can say it... "Whoa."

Here's Norah entering the Eastern door.

Here she is hanging out in the middle

And here she is popping out of the South door.

Don't worry... Rach got to play as well.

That's really all I have to report on. If you want, I could talk a long time about the paper I'm writing on Simeon Stylites. But I'm guessing there are two, maybe three people who read this thing who would care even a little bit. Maybe I'll throw up a link to the paper once it's written.

Meresamun

2009-02-14T13:59:00.003-05:00

I just saw this on the cover page of CNN today. Which is awesome, because that mummy is in the building that I go to school in every day! I actually popped down after class on Thursday to check it out. HOW COOL! Man, I love this stuff. Here's the article.

Darwinism vs. Creationism

2009-02-14T08:06:00.007-05:00

Pious Fictions

I read an article in NPR today discussing a law that was recently passed in Louisiana which protects teachers who want to raise doubts about Darwinism. I think the typical response to such news is that Louisiana is in the Bible-Belt, and therefore the schools in Louisiana are now free to be a little more religious. But I think that's the wrong way to look at it. I think the Louisiana ruling is actually more in line with the goals of science, because it permits questions. The fact that there are laws that make it illegal for teachers to question something worries me.

I don't want to get into my beliefs about Darwinism. I think that, like many such debates, the reason for the disagreements are largely semantic. Intelligent Design arguments are largely viewed as synonymous with Creationism. Similarly, Darwinism is largely equated with Evolution. I want to say that Intelligent Design and Creationism are actually antonyms, and that Darwinism is not synonymous with Evolution. By separating these terms, I think reasonable, critical, scientific debate can once again continue. Let me show you what I mean by defining the four words more clearly.

Evolution is the belief that species change over time. Breeding and natural selection can result in changes in an animal's genetic make up that are severe enough to result in animals that are significantly variant from their parent generations.

Darwinism is the belief that all species underwent evolution, eventually resulting in what is known as speciation. Breeding and natural selection resulted in such dramatic differentiation that one species became a new species. Therefore, all life originated from basic genetic material that was generated through purely natural means, and all speciation visible in life on earth was the result of natural selection and natural evolution without any intelligent oversight.

Notice that not all Evolutionists are Darwinists, but all Darwinists are Evolutionists.

Intelligent Design finds major gaps in Darwinism, and concludes that Darwinism is improbable to the point of being a mathematical impossibility. Because current science only accepts Darwinism as the explaination of speciation, Intelligent Design theorists posit that there must be some intelligence orchestrating the the mechanisms of Evolution.

Creationism accepts Genesis 1-3 as literally true. God created the world in 6 days. Dinosaurs never lived. A man was made out of mud, and his wife was made out of his rib, and everyone else came from them.

Notice that Creationism is actually opposed to Intelligent Design because it denies the methods of Evolution. These are not two sides of the same coin, they are two contradictory beliefs. We're not talking apples and oranges, we're talking apples and galaxies.

The problem is that everyone who believes in Intelligent Design and everyone who believes in Creationism agree that there is a God. So, they are painted with the same brush. Similarly, everyone who believes in Darwinism believes in Evolution, and these two are then painted with the same brush. The fact of the matter is Intelligent Design is much closer in it's beliefs to Darwinism than it is to Creationism. But still, when Darwinism and Creationism fight, Intelligent Design is always the collateral damage. The sooner science accepts that Intelligent Design is divorced from Creationism, the sooner we'll stop having to write silly laws that make it illegal to ask questions.

Oh, and in researching to write about this, I found this little gem. It's about a society that actually still thinks the earth is flat.

I love Jesus but I Drink a Little

2009-02-04T15:35:00.003-05:00

I saw the following clip from the Ellen DeGeneres show the other day and, well, I was laughing out loud so hard that snot flew out of my nose and splattered on the computer screen. So, you've been warned.

Enjoy:

Lookie what I found.

2009-01-25T00:16:00.001-05:00

I found this on the Interweb and couldn't not post it.

The end.

Professor's Email

2009-01-23T13:33:00.002-05:00

I just received the following email in response to the way we said Stigmata in class on Tuesday:

Class,

στίγματα (stigmata) is the Greek plural for στίγμα (stigma). There is an accent on the Iota (i) in the singular and plural forms, which shows how it should be pronounced. No more stigmaaaata please.

Best,

XXX

In case you're wondering, that means: yes, I am officially studying something no one cares about. And in case you're wondering, when you talk about Stigmata (that thing where people suddenly manifest the wounds of Christ), apparently you should say "STIGmata, not stigMAta." Oh, don't do a google image search for Stigmata. It's gross. You've been warned.

Second Quarter

2009-01-20T20:09:00.009-05:00

HOLY COW. (Get it? Holy cow...?) This quarter started out CRAZY. I am taking a class on Asceticism right now. (Asceticism is basically the religious practice of reducing your consumption of worldly comforts. Examples would be fasting, long periods of meditation, monastic silence, etc...) It's pretty intense. I'm reading about three books a week for the class, but I've enjoyed the readings so much that it's really been an enjoyable experience. Basically the readings are what are known as Hagiographies. That's a big word that means a book about the life of a Saint. The first was Athanasius' book on St. Antony. The book is filled with demon fights, out of body experiences, healings, and raising people from the dead. After that, we read "Sayings of the Desert Fathers", and "Lives of the Desert Fathers", both of which are about the monks who followed St. Antony out into the Egyptian desert. Basically, if you thought Antony was cool, these guys are awesome. There are just as many demon fights, but you also get crocodiles who eat themselves, black smiths who see demons, monks who can pull loaves of bread out of thin air, and lots of flying. Then, we read the life of St. Francis of Assisi by Boethius. Not as many demon fights, but St. Francis talks to animals, there's some more flying, trips to holy mountains, healings, raising people from the dead, and a handful of pope rebukes. We also read a book by Carolina Bynum called "Holy Feast Holy Fast" that was pretty interesting, though was a somewhat one dimensional examination of women during this time. But you still get cool stories about women eating scabs and getting puss stuck in their throats because in order to alleviate the suffering of others, they would eat it. That was the reading for the first two weeks, so I think you can tell it's keeping me busy.

I'm also taking Hebrew again, and I'm starting to feel more comfortable with it. We still haven't gone any further than the Qal forms (for those of you who know anything about Hebrew) but it's still interesting.

I'm also taking New Testament with Margaret Mitchell. In case you're wondering just how cool that is, her name is on the back of my Bible. That means that someone edited a study Bible, and then asked her what she thought about it. So yeah, she knows her stuff, and as an added bonus, she loves the material. She is so excited to talk about the New Testament every week, I'm really blessed to be in the class. So far the topics we've discussed are fascinating to me. We've basically been asking questions about Paul this far. It's an interesting examination, I'm glad to start the Intro to the New Testament by looking at Paul instead of Jesus, not that I'm opposed to looking at Jesus first, its just that this is my second intro to the New Testament class, so I'm glad to mix it up a bit.

Until yesterday, I was also taking a class on German, but the class was structured to go through all the German grammar in six weeks. And the lectures weren't lectures, basically we would get together and go through worksheets for three hours. So, I'm going through the book with some other people who dropped the class, and I'm not taking it any more. That means that I'm only in three classes now, and I'm glad for that.

I don't really have time to write much more, and since I'm pretty much only doing school and nothing but school, that's really all I have to talk about. I have so many thoughts in my head about my school right now that I don't really even know where to start. So, I'll just leave it at that.

Finally, in an attempt to keep people reading my blog, I'll post some pictures of Norah.

What can I say? It was -20 last week.

Who loves bubbles? I DO!

This is Norah's fishy face. If you're really lucky, she does this and it means she wants a kiss.

This will be Norah's Album cover as soon as she learns some words, and starts playing music that our neighbors won't hate us for playing. (Right now, all she does is slam huge metal bowls on the floor, and I'm pretty sure the people who live beneath us hate our guts.)

And finally, this is one of my favorite pictures to date... just because she looks so sweet! This is the Norah we all know and love. Man, she's awesome.

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-25T13:43:00.001-05:00

Here's our video of Christmas morning. We decided that instead of going out and buying a bunch of new toys, we would just wrap a bunch of toys that Norah already has. It was just as fun as if we'd gone on a huge shopping trip! Anyway, here's the video.

Christmas Visitors!

2008-12-18T11:54:00.002-05:00

So, we recently had a few visitors come and spend some time with us. Jay, Wendy and Sarah came down for the weekend, and I must say, I was absolutely trembling with excitement about their pending visit.

On their way here, I kept looking at the clock hoping that they were driving through some kind of time warp and would get here in a half an hour or so. But, they took the normal amount of time. Branden managed to beat them here by a few minutes, and we got to hang out with him for a few minutes before Sarah, Jay, and Wendy arrived.

When they got here and I was in such a rush to get down to see them that I left without my cell phone, my keys, or my shoes. Oops. So, I barred the door with a newspaper, and ran out on the frozen ground in my stocking feet to hug Sarah and Wendy. They went inside to tell Rachel and Branden that I would be helping Jay park his car. (Fortunately he had another pair of shoes in the trunk.)

So, we unloaded, and had a big sleep over. The next morning, I had a few friends from U of C stop by and we made crepes. (It's becoming one of my favorite morning meals.) After a slow breakfast, we left for a day on the town. We saw as much of Downtown as we could, but ended up missing most of it. But we did get to see the Bean and the Cultural Center, and the Marshal Fields Building, as well as the tree in Daley Plaza and a few other things.

The reason we didn't get to see a ton was because while Rachel showed Wendy and Sarah around the cultural center and Marshal Fields, Jay, Branden and I were catching a train to the North Side where we stopped at the Double Door and picked up tickets to an Over the Rhine Concert! It was a surprise for Rachel so we had to do it all ninja-like.

We got back, ate lunch and walked around a bit more. Then, we caught a bus back home, made some stir fry, and then Annette came over to watch Norah while we all left for the concert.

It was simply amazing.

I love this band so much, and I never remember how good they are in concert until I'm standing in some old beat up old dive bar watching them play. Karin's voice is pitch perfect, and Linford's song writing is constantly changing. This isn't one of those bands where you go and hear the same stuff over and over. I say their folksy, but really they're whatever they want to be that night. They play folk-type music, and then they play some jazzy songs and some punchy songs. They never rock out, and they never get into any rap, but they walk dangerously close to Reagee at times. They're just an amazing band.

Then, we came back home and crashed. I got up in time to play at church on Sunday, and then we went to Campus for a blitzkrieg tour through Hyde Park followed by lunch at Medici's. (I wrote on the table.)

They left, and Rachel and I came home and crashed. We woke up from our respective naps in time to head over to Annette's house for pizza and The Muppets Christmas. (Which Norah loved.)

So, you can bet we had an amazing weekend. BUT WAIT!!!! THERE'S MORE!!!

Just when you thought it couldn't get any better, Ben and Annie Wershing came over for a visit on Monday! When they arrived on Monday, they were exhausted (and so was I) so we basically just hung out and caught up. Then, on Tuesday I walked them around campus (and even showed them the Oriental Institute... because Rachel wasn't there.) And then we ate lunch at Hogwarts... er I mean Subway.

We went back home hoping to get downtown to catch some of the free museums, but by the time we were halfway home, Norah was pretty much completely covered in snow. She didn't seem to mind, which was wierd, but we decided it would be best to not expose her to hypothermia this early in the winter. So, we came home and I made pizza and we hung out the rest of the night.

Ben and Annie bought us this great new game called Last Word which we played about fourteen hundred times this weekend. (And I won ever time. Not really.)

Then, on Wednesday, we went downtown. We saw a lot of stuff down there, and even managed to get up to the Signature Room (at the 95th floor of the Hancock building) for lunch! Before you say "Whoa! You guys are loaded!" Keep in mind that lunch at the signature room is about 27.00 per couple, tip included. If we went to the observation deck of the Hancock... it would cost us 24.00 per person. So, we basically got a kick-awesome view, and lunch for the same price as just the kick-awesome view. Yeah, we milked it.

Then, we went back down to the street level, took a bus to Old Navy, and walked past the Sears tower to Union Station, where we caught another bus home. We were pretty bushed when we got home so we ate some pizza and played Last Word and Skip Bo until Amy Garrington came over. She had to pick up a friend at Midway and just stopped by for a little while before leaving. It was really nice to see her, even if I was stupid enough to not offer her any ice cream. (Sorry... those new fun cards threw me totally off.)

We hit the sack pretty early, and I just got back from dropping Ben and Annie off at the Green Line before coming home. So, now I'm going to sleep for the next forty hours or so until my Brother and Sister-in-law stop over for the night on their way to Cleveland!!!! I LOVE IT!!!!!

This has been the best week in a LONG time. I can't wait to see Tim and Marisa and Bailey...

The pictures are all on my camera still. I'll post a link once I've put them up on Flickr.

ThankXmas/Birthday

2008-12-06T15:20:00.007-05:00

I know, it's been forever. I'm sorry. Please, stop looking at me that way.

A lot has happened since my last post, and I'm not going to do it all justice, so here's a link to photos from most of it. (I forgot to post up the Malone Thanksgiving pictures, and I'm sad about that. I'll do it soon and post a link when I do. A special thank you to everyone who contributed to fly Rachel and I out to Canton and then drove us all around. You guys are seriously amazing. I can't believe what good friends I have. I'm not going to do my gratitude justice by talking about it, but you all know how grateful I am.)

Anyway, because Rachel posted on ThanXmas at the McCowins, I'll leave her blog and the pictures to talk about it. Suffice it to say, as always, I enjoyed my time with Rachel's family. It really is fun getting to mix about with all those kids, and I never get sick of making robot noises.

After celebrating Norah's birthday in Canton, and again in Beaver Falls, we decided to celebrate at home on Norah's actual birthday as well. Before I get into it, let me start by saying that I've always thought it was pointless to sit around baking some elaborately decorated super awesome cake for a one-year-old baby who can't tell a slice of Castle Grayskull from a dried up toenail stuck in the carpet.

Instead of doing that, I left school early on Wednesday, came home and spent all day baking a cake, making eight cups of frosting, coloring different portions of the frosting, and elaborately decorating a super awesome Dora the Explorer cake. I guess things change when you finally have one of those little buggers...

Here are some pictures:

Here's a close up of the cake. It's no Castle Grayskull, but I still think it was pretty sweet.

Clearly, Norah is super freaking excited to eat the cake I spent all day baking and decorating.

The beginning...

The middle...

The end.

Yeah. that was good.

Okay, so Norah didn't seem to care if it was a bowl of rice or a super awesome cake. But I had fun making it.

The day after Norah's birthday, Rachel and I decided to decorate the apartment for Christmas. Now, our Christmas decorations amount to a ton of crap to put on a tree, and a six inch snow man figurine or something. So, there's not a ton in the apartment now, but once we get that tree up, it'll be awesome. Expect more pictures later.

Though we didn't change the feel a bunch with Christmas Decorations, we did move the furniture around and HOLY COW! It's like we have a new apartment. I don't know what we were thinking with our old layout.

Here's the old layout that some big stupid dummy head came up with.

And here's the new layout that Rachel came up with:

Yeah, we totally have room for a Transformers Vs. Deceptagons wrestling match in there now.

That's pretty much everything. (Oh, my first quarter of gradschool is over in a week. That's cool.) To close, I'll post some of my favorites from the pictures I just uploaded to Flickr for all of you who don't have the thirteen days it takes to look at pictures on Flickr.

I just liked the lighting on this one.

Here's our new place for the wine butler. Norah's excited about it.

Oh yeah! Norah's riding facing front now! It was a blast to change the seat, she really enjoys looking forward instead of at the back of the seat like she used to.

Here's a shot of my bald spot hanging out with my nephew Caleb.

Awesome.

I'm not all about princess stuff... but this could persuade me.

Here's Norah's cousin Emmet (probably the sweetest human being alive) giving Norah a kiss on the cheek.

Quickly followed by Norah looking very excited.

And then, well I guess she doesn't know quite how she feels.

Here she is playing in a laundry basket with her cousin Ellie.

And here she is trying to stare her down.

And what would ThanXmas be without everyone getting in the tub together? I'm pretty sure Norah's unlces and I will do this the next time we get together for a holiday. I can't wait. I'm totally packing a duck.

And finally, some pictures I took of campus the day after a pretty snow:

That last one is Swift Hall, where most of my classes are.

Okay. That's enough for now. I have to go buy a Christmas Tree!!!!!!

The Secret to a Good Marriage

2008-11-18T21:49:00.002-05:00

They say the secret to a good marriage is communication. I'm kind of hoping they're all dead wrong.

Rachel and I have this problem that I would like to take a moment to put out there for the rest of the world to read about. It's summed up quite nicely in the conversation Rachel and I just had.

We got "The Bucket List" in the mail from Netflix today. So, as the Biggest Loser came to a close, we had the following conversation. The conversation is a very clear example of the exact type of miscommunication Rachel and I excel at. The conversation went like this:

Joshua: "Are we going to watch the Bucket List tonight?"

Rachel: "It's a hundred and forty-five minutes."

Yeah, so... that's all.

Absent Minded: Food Bag

2008-11-13T08:15:00.007-05:00

My brother Tim has been bugging me to blog a little bit about a part of me that I don't mention to often on the blog, and last week, something happened that fell into that category. See, Tim says that I'm a very smart person, and for the most part I agree with him. But he thinks it is very funny how absent minded I am, and I agree with him there as well. So, to honor Tim's request, I'll be writing these down from time to time and when I do, they'll be titled Absent Minded. These will all be in the vein of the Free Air post I wrote a while back about when I wanted to save fifty cents and I totalled my car.

Here's the first, er... second, of the Absent Minded posts.

Last Tuesday I was on my way out of the house, I got everything packed, grabbed my keys, stuck Norah in her stroller, and pushed her out the door. I went out in the hall, shut the door and when I went to lock it I realized I couldn't find my keys. So I pushed Norah back inside, checked all around the apartment, checked my pockets, checked the counters, flipped the couch cushions over, everything. I couldn't find my keys. So, there I was rooting around through Norah's pajama drawer when I felt something on my butt. I checked my back pocket and there were my keys.

Well, I was glad to have my keys, so I went to the door, pushed Norah out into the hall and started walking down the hall thinking "Why in the $%##@ did you put your keys in your back pocket? Who puts their keys in their back pocket?"

Then, we went outside. I pushed Norah in her stroller down to 53rd Street and talked with the homeless guy Liam outside of Dunkin Donuts for a while. We walked the eight or nine blocks down to Maya's house, I went inside, took Norah out of the stroller, and carried her up the stairs. Just as I knocked on the door, I thought to myself "Every time Maya takes Norah, I fumble around with Norah's stupid food bag that is strapped around my shoulders. I always look stupid trying to bring it up over my head and it knocks my hat off, so I'm just going to take it off before Maya comes to the door today." So there I am standing in the hall waiting for Maya came to the door, patting my chest where the food bag strap usually is thinking, "food bag... food bag... hmmm......" Maya opened the door just as it occurred to me that I did not have the food bag.

So I handed Norah off to Maya, and walked the eight or nine blocks back home. I stopped to talk to the homeless guy Liam outside of Dunkin Donuts, turned up Kenwood, and went into our building to get the food bag. I got to the door, and pulled out my keys and they wouldn't turn the lock. Sometimes, our lock sticks, so there I am in the hall pushing on the keys trying my darndest to not swear very loudly because the key is digging into my thumb and the stupid lock won't budge. Finally I give up and try turning the key the other way. You guessed it.

I hadn't locked the door.

So, I went inside and looked all over the house and couldn't find the food bag anywhere. Again, I'm walking around the apartment looking on the counter, looking in the fridge, looking in the hamper (you never know), looking everywhere I can think to look. Then, I remembered that sometimes I leave the food bag in the pouch in the back of Norah's stroller. Which is at Maya's. I hadn't checked there before I left, and at that point I was pretty sure that I left the food bag in the back of the stroller at Maya's. Needless to say I was pretty uspest with myself for having walked all the way home when the food bag was at Maya's all along. But, since I was in Norah's room, I thought to check her room real quickly before leaving for Maya's. So, I opened he closet and looked in her crib, and as I turned to leave her room, I saw her pajama drawer was still open, and the food bag was sitting right there. While I was somewhat annoyed that I had left it at home, I was also somewhat glad that I had not left it in the back of the stroller at Maya's and walked all the way home to look for the stupid thing.

So, I grabbed the food bag, walked to 53rd, talked to the homeless guy Liam outside of Dunkin Donuts, walked the eight or nine blocks back to Maya's apartment, went up the stairs, knocked on the door and dropped off the food bag with Maya.

So that's my story about the food bag last week. I know what you're thinking. "That's not that crazy. Everyone leaves the house every now and then and forgets to bring the very thing their children rely on for sustenance and survival throughout the day." Well, yeah. But let me confess: When I dropped Norah off at Maya's and realized I didn't have the food bag, my exact words to Maya were: "I forgot the food bag... again."

Yeah. That was the second time.

Ryan

2008-11-10T14:52:00.003-05:00

Some of you may have noticed a pretty long running debate between a blogger named Ryan and myself. If you haven't you can pretty much ignore this post. If you have noticed it, I just wanted to take a minute to apologize for my part of that dialogue.

I have the bad habit of taking my opinions very personally. In the case of my discussion with Ryan, this is exactly what has happened. My responses have hurt his feelings on many occasions and I need to own the responsibility for that.

I will not comment on how I perceive the things that Ryan has said about me, because this post is really just me trying to make up for the way I have behaved and I ask that no one comment regarding his behavior. I have not been a loving person in the entirety of my dialogue with him, and if you have read those posts, I apologize.

I wish I could be more loving. I wish I could be more patient and accept everyone's opinions. Hopefully I will get better at this as I get older.

Surf 2 Turf

2008-11-09T15:31:00.002-05:00

My friend Branden just showed me a documentary ESPN did on a Surf 2 Turf camp run by one of his friends from Santa Barbara. I met Manny a few years ago while I was out in Santa Barbara visiting Branden and Scott Schuller, he's a pretty amazing guy, and what he's doing out there is (in Manny's words) pretty f***ing sick.

You can go here to see the video.

What a difference a day makes!

2008-11-08T10:31:00.003-05:00

I went to school this morning, and Norah was "walking" as you may have seen in the video on Rachel's blog.

I stayed late at school working on a paper and some Hebrew homework in the Library. I took the bus home because it was dark already, and made a stop at CVS for some Tylenol and some Mentos (and a pack of M&Ms for Rach) and walked home. When I got to our apartment and opened the door, imagine my surprise to hear Rachel say "Walk to papa!"

Yeah. Right.

Then, I turned the corner, and Norah was WALKING TO PAPA. Whoa.

I seriously left this morning and she couldn't take more than a few steps. When I got home, she was straight up walking to me. (Now, she still plops down quite a bit, but the difference is remarkable.)

So, of course, we took a video. Unfortunately neither Rachel nor I thought about how irritating it would be to listen to two people whistling for five minutes... you just don't quite realize how annoying something is until you record it. Oh well.

Here's the video:

Reaction to the Results and the Results of the Results

2008-11-05T17:56:00.004-05:00

Of course, I am exceedingly excited about the results from last night. And, I am very impressed by McCain's speech. I would like to applaud John McCain for that speech, and I hope that his supporters will be able to get fully behind the country under a candidate they did not want in the White House. I understand how McCain's supporters must feel, and am glad to see that the majority of those supporters are taking the loss with a measure of patriotism that accepts when Americans disagree. Let me say very quickly how disgusted I was to see the response on one conservative blog which featured a photo of a nuclear explosion. I won't mention the blogger by name, and won't link to the site. But I am dismayed to see such a disappointing reaction. Disagree, that's fine. But... disgusting. Hopefully, some of us will get better at being able to disagree without such gross measures of vilification.

The vast majority of conservatives I have talked to or listened to have responded gracefully, and I am confident that the graceful reaction is the majority response by McCain's supporters.

At any rate, I'm glad and sad that the election is over. I'm glad because it was stressful for me. I was very emotionally involved in this election, and put a lot of energy into concerning myself with the election. I'm glad the stress of waiting for the outcome is over. And, I'm sad because, I'll be honest, I enjoyed the campaign. Part of me really enjoyed not knowing what was going to happen, and talking about the election with people on the internet and in class and outside of class. I enjoyed being a part of the Great American Peaceful Revolution, and I'm very pleased with our country right now.

Now that the election is over, I wanted to put a post out there to bring you to a website that I think is funny.

It's called Jake and Amir Dot Com, and well, I just think it's funny. Careful though, the one guy tends to swear a lot. If that bothers you, don't go. If it doesn't, I thought Vote! was funny, and so was Ballgame. Hope you enjoy it. If you think it's stupid, then... yeah. You're right. It's kinda stupid.

Reflection on Nov. 4th

2008-11-04T23:13:00.001-05:00

phew.

Vote!

2008-11-04T11:40:00.007-05:00

VOTE!

Best Picture Ever

2008-11-02T23:27:00.003-05:00

So, if you find a baby who is cuter than this, I'll eat my hat. And I just got a new hat, so you know I mean it.

Monkey Outfit and First Steps

2008-10-31T19:37:00.002-04:00

Head over to Rachel's Blog to check out Norah in her Halloween costume. If you do, you'll see a video of Norah taking some of her first steps!!!!!!!!!

A Lion's Market?

2008-10-30T21:56:00.004-04:00

I saw this today in class. I did not know, but apparently on Oct. 29th, some Christians gathered to pray for the economy. Now, I'm not against praying for the economy, but I can't believe someone decided it would be good idea to symbolize that prayer by laying hands on a bronze bull. Remind you of anything? I have so many things to say about this, but really, I think the image speaks for itself. Here's a link to the full story straight from the... uh... horse's? mouth.

It's not technically a golden calf, but...

Update coming soon!

2008-10-24T22:43:00.002-04:00

I have an update coming soon... there is a ton to write about, so it's going to take me a while to get it posted. While I'm workin on uploading it, you can enjoy this long boring video of Norah and I. This is a little glimpse into what mornings are like in the Elek house. We finish breakfast, and Norah and her dad sit at the kitchen table for a few minutes before we walk out the door and head to day care. Just like my dad I and I used to do in the mornings... it's pretty much the best thing ever.

Anyway, if you're family or a close friend, you might enjoy the movie. If you're anyone else, it'll probably bore you to tears. Sorry... hopefully the upcoming, and probably very long, update won't suck.

Oh, and Norah has a post on her blog... she's pretty bad at updating, I know. She's been grounded as punishment.

The System is Down

2008-10-20T13:05:00.002-04:00

My computer is down right now. Something about a busted back-dimmer or some other such nonsense. The guys at the Genius bar seem to think it's my battery, even though I've told them on three separate visits that I only use the computer when it's plugged in. Thankfully however, some very nice Indian gentleman assured me that it's a problem with the backlight-dimmer thingamajig, and as a result, it's in the mail. As soon as I have it back, I'll post an update with pictures from the wedding etc.

Till then!

Browns V. Giants

2008-10-13T23:43:00.004-04:00

The above statement is from the power rankings of week 6. See what it says? "It will take more than the Browns to knock this team off course." *sigh* Now, sports critics and Cleveland-haters at ESPN, eat your words:

454 total yards of offense.
Zero Turnovers.
Zero Punts.
35 Points.

That's like the best Haiku ever written. Except it's not a Haiku. Oh well. Either way, I sat on my couch tonight and tried as hard as I could not to scream my lungs out while Norah and Rachel slept down the hall because my boys, the Cleveland Browns straight up POUNDED the Undefeated Returning NFL Champions the New York Football Giants. Did I say POUNDED? I meant:

POUNDED!
WOOF! WOOF! WOOF!

I'm going to bark in my sleep tonight. It's going to take more than the Giants to knock the Browns off course...

Road Trip Picture

2008-10-11T07:55:00.004-04:00

We are home this weekend for my brother Jeremy's wedding. My brother Tim snapped these photos our way to Cleveland and I really liked them for whatever reason. I'll post a full update as soon as I can after I get home. Until then you'll have to look at these pictures of us at a rest stop in Indiana. (I'm really just trying to store them somewhere so I don't forget to print them off later.)

Best Candies EVER!

2008-10-07T19:49:00.007-04:00

I was buying a Coke in the Bookstore today to go with my healthy lunch (consisting of left-over Veggie Stir-fry and a bag of Cheetos), when I stumbled on this FANDANGTASTICABULOUS box of candies. I did not know what was inside, and did not care what was inside. I just had to have them because of the box they were in. (Oh, I think you'll understand.) Below is a recreation of what I looked like when I saw the candies in line:

And the picture below that is the look that was on my face when I opened the candies in the Div. School lounge and found Mints inside. The perfect compliment to my Coke, Cheetos and Stir-fry lunch.

Yeah. That's right.

Maggie's Long Walks

2008-10-03T15:18:00.002-04:00

We used to have an Airedale Terrier named Maggie. She passed away a while back, but I'll never forget her long forays into the wild unknown. On a regular basis, we would let her out to "do her business" and something would take over. Rather than wandering around the yard, picking a spot and doing the usual circle routine, she would tear out of the yard like a bullet out of a gun and go crashing into the woods. No amount of yelling, or shaking a box of biscuits would help, she was gone. She was on a journey. We're not sure what happened on those journeys, but she would inevitably show up a few days later looking like some prodigal puppy, or she would crawl into someone's yard and wait for them to read her collar and give us a call. That was Maggie.

So, imagine my surprise when I saw this video on CNN today. It appears as though we aren't the only ones who had an Airedale with a penchant for adventure.

Till next time!

My Prediction

2008-09-27T12:48:00.002-04:00

I just saw a page on CNN where you can predict how the election will come out. Here's my prediction:

Go here to make your own prediction.

The Goodspeed Collection at U Chicago

2008-09-26T12:55:00.004-04:00

I have told a few people about this in person, but thought I'd blog about it now that I found the website.

A few weeks ago, we got to go to the special collections library at the University and actually put our hands on a few of the manuscripts in the collection. One of the manuscripts was a copy of Archaic Mark, which might be a 14th century copy of the gospel of mark, or a 20th century forgery. (They're testing right now.)

Standing next to that book was a strange and surreal thing for me. Sure, it might be a forgery, but if it's not, then my fingers were touching what I would consider a very sacred text. It's just staggering to look at something like that and see the amount of effort that went into a book back then. Everything from skinning the animal and stretching the vellum pages to the gold painted images and the painstaking penmanship. (Though the penmanship in Greek is generally nothing compared to the detailed work of a Hebrew scribe.)

This is from the first page of text in Archaic Mark

Margaret Mitchell, the professor of New Testament Studies here at U of C said that Manuscripts are to the Biblical Scholar what Test Tubes and Bunson Burners are to the Scientist. She wanted us to see these things, to touch them, to interact with them. It was an amazing experience for me. I'm sure most of the people reading this aren't getting as geeked out as I did, but man did I ever enjoy getting my actual fingers on those manuscripts.

I have since found the digitized manuscripts online, and figured I'd let you see what I'm talking about, though I don't think it's the same as actually touching the pages. You can go here to see all of Archaic Mark. (I start you off on the gold painted image that the book was open to when I saw it. The next page is the title page of the gospel.)

And here is a photo of a Hebrew manuscript as well so you can see how painstaking the Hebrew scribes were. This isn't quite as detailed as the copy I saw of Exodus, but you get the idea.

First Graduate Course Completed

2008-09-23T08:49:00.002-04:00

Norah hanging out in her box.

Six years ago I graduated from college and said I would take a year off, earn some money, and go back to school. Yesterday, I finished my first graduate course, so you can imagine I feel pretty excited right now.

It was a class in Biblical Hebrew, and it's hard to believe that just three weeks ago I was working very hard to remember which Hebrew letters made which sounds, and now I'm able to read some simple Hebrew sentences. Here's my favorite sentence from the class exercises:

יֵשׁ ק֗ול מִלְכָמָה בּרוּהַ - (Yesh qol milkhamah beruakh.) Which means "The thunder of war is in the wind." I just thought it was a poetic sounding sentence, and our teacher seemed to like it as well. When I finished translating it the first time I actually looked at the paper in my mom and dad's office and said "Cool!" I'm just amazed that I've gone from not knowing anything about the language at all to being able to read simple sentences. It's really rather remarkable.

I think the most amazing thing is just how much information the human mind is able to hold. In these three weeks, I memorized just over 200 vocab words, and each word had at least two, (some has six) different possible spellings. Tack on the possible pronominal suffixes etc... and the amount of variance you can expect when seeing a hebrew word is remarkable. A three letter word might end up being a two letter word in a sentence, or it might be a seven letter word with a prepositional prefix and a pluaral suffix... it's crazy.

Anyway, we took the final yesterday and I think I did okay. I'm not sure I did as well on the final as I've been doing on the quizzes, but I feel confident that I got at least an 80 on the final. Hopefully I did better than that. We'll see.

That's it for now really. I'm home with Norah this week, and I'm reading a book for my next class (An Intro to the Hebrew Bible) and I'm trying to visit as many of the museums as I can. A friend from school has some paper explaining when each museum is free, and we're going to try to hit as many free ones as we can. Yesterday we went to the Planetarium, and today we go to the Field Musuem. I'm hoping to jump on one of the dinosaur skeletons and ride it like a pony.

Large Hadron Collider - We're all going to die

2008-09-10T05:35:00.006-04:00

Kiss your kids, we're all going to die.

I'm not trying to be that crazy homeless guy on the street with a board on his chest or anything, but the world is going to end. We're all going to die. Tomorrow.

Either that, or we're about to get some visitors from the future.

I'm talking of course about the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) built under Switzerland and France. It's basically a huge empty tunnel with some really big magnets that will fire two atoms at each other. They've successfully fired this puppy up and ran a particle in one direction. Now they need to fire another particle in the other direction, just to make sure there aren't any cookie crumbs or fingernails in there. If everything works, they'll send two particles in opposite directions toward each other at the same time at an insanely fast speed and when the two particles meet, the whole world will end.

Here's the pseudo-science behind it: the faster something goes, the more energy you need to speed it up. Think about an apple. To make an apple go 10 miles an hour, you just have to drop it. To make that same apple go 20 miles an hour, you have to throw it pretty hard. To get it to go 90 miles an hour, you have to throw really, really hard. To get that same apple to go 200 miles an hour, forget it. You're talking bazookas and rocket juice. This means that if we want a particle or two to go almost the speed of light we need an insane amount of power.

Turns out, that's exactly what scientists want to do. They want to get two particles to go really fast, and run into each other. So, they built the LHC which will use an insane amount of power to get two particles to go almost the speed of light, and then hit each other. When they hit each other, they'll rip apart. And what comes spilling out of the two little fellas will be sugary-sweet magical physics juice. There will be electrons, and protons, and some wierd little guys like quarks and bosons and maybe even, the holy grail of particle physics himself, the Higgs Boson. If all goes right, and our cameras are tuned in correctly, we could be seeing the very things that make up matter itself.

Of course, this doesn't come without it's risks. To get the risks, you have to think about a bag of peas. If you open the bag, and pour the peas out on a pillow, they'll just roll around. If you don't open the bag however, and put the unopened bag on the pillow, they'll make a dent in the pillow. The reason is that when you condense the peas to the small space, they are more dense and gravity pulls them accordingly. If you were to condense the peas further, say by squishing them reallllly hard, they would be even more dense and would make a deeper dent in the pillow.

The same thing could happen in the LHC. It is theoretically possible that rather than exploding and spilling all their sweet, cherry, physics goodness, the two particles could theoretically just smack together. If they did that, all the energy we used trying to rip the two particles apart will actually fuse them together and compress them a billion-fold. Rather than an open bag of peas on the pillow, we now have the closed bag compressed to the size of a single atom tearing a hole not just in the pillow, but in space time itself.

If the two particles stick together, they could be are compressed so much, and become so dense, that they'll actually stop being pulled into the Earth. They'll have a gravity so strong that rather than falling into Earth, Earth will start falling into them. If that happens, they'll make a black hole and in a few minutes the world will end.

But don't worry too much. The chances of that happening are infintessimely small, about the same as the chance that they'll rip open a door in space time and visitors from the future will come over for dinner.

The reason we're freaked out about this, is because it's the biggest thing we've ever made, and it's the fastest we've ever thrown something. Keep in mind, the LHC is much, much, much smaller than the sun. And it has much, much, much less energy than the sun. And as a result, it sends particles toward each other at speeds much much slower than the sun. And keep in mind that every day, the sun sends out untold billions upon billions upon gagaglagazillions of particles at the Earth at speeds beyond anything we'll make in the LHC. The particles from the sun, going faster than anything in the LHC slam into particles in our atmoshpere creating more cataclysmic explosions every single day and nothing happens. Every single day since the earth has been made an unimaginably large number of particles have smacked into each other a lot harder than they will under France, and not a single one of them has made a black hole. So, the chance of a black hole resulting when we smack two particles together is about the same as me winning the lottery, without buying a ticket, while getting hit by lightning, every single day of my life...

So basically, compared to what the sun does a gatrillion times a day, our experiment in the LHC is going to be like a granny delivering a pizza on a bicycle. But, still, there's that 1x10^E-378845u31490867 possibility that the two particles will smack instead of bang and the world will end. And because of that, the LHC is all over the news, and some scientists are actually saying the world is going to end.

Here's a snappy graphic I made to help you make more sense of it:

Like I said, kiss your kids.

Tim the most awesomest big brother in the world...

2008-09-07T22:20:00.002-04:00

That's right, my big brother Tim is even way more coolerEr than your big brother. As a matter of fact, he can beat up your dad and Super Man at the same time. When he walks down the street the Metallica song "Seek and Destroy" plays on all the radios ahead of him, and all the girls hear that classic Rolling Stones song "Under My Thumb" in their heads.

I mean, seriously, this guy eats spinach for breakfast lunch and dinner.

Sometimes, I wish I had his staggeringly good looks...

Plus, I really shouldn't ever leave myself logged into Google when I leave his house, cause really...who knows what crazy stuff could happen!

YIKES!

First Day of School!

2008-09-03T08:24:00.003-04:00

I woke up early yesterday and threw a pot of oatmeal on the stove and started a pot of coffee. I woke up Norah, did the diaper thing and gave her breakfast. Then, for the first time ever, Rach took Norah out of the house, and dropped her off at daycare. I spent the rest of the morning at home catching up on my Hebrew and reading a little. Then, around 8:30, I jumped on my bike and took the 10 minute bike ride down to campus.

It was a very pretty day and I sat on the sandstone steps with two other equally confused-looking new students wondering where my class was. I was trying to pretend like I wasn't nervous. I was prepared. I had restudied my notes for class, practiced that transliteration again, and packed my book bag the night before so my pens were clipped in their little pen pockets and my pencil was sharpened and my books were ready to go. But sitting on those stairs before school officially began, I felt very intimidated. I tried to engage in small talk with the people around me and nervously shifted my book bag from one hand to the other. It turns out, I was more than a little unnerved to think that I'm actually here. I was actually standing outside that enormous gothic structure with those four inch thick carved wooden doors, and in a few minutes, I was going to pull on the molded iron door handles, walk inside, and be a student again.

When we went in the building there was a note stapled to a placard in the lobby telling us that Biblical Hebrew was in room 201. We still had a few minutes so I walked downstairs to get a cup of coffee. Then, two other students and I walked up the worn stone stairs to room 201.

We learned about the philology of the Hebrew Language (where it came from etc...) and drilled into the first chapter of our Hebrew Grammar for the second half of class. I think I aced the quiz, I had studied it pretty well, and nothing we talked about in class yesterday came as a big surprise to me. Everything we covered was covered in Chapter one, so it was mostly review. All in all it was an encouraging lesson. I left the room thinking, I can do this.

Then, we walked down the wide stone stairs and congregated in the hallway before our orientation meeting. I talked with a few of the students (two of whom are named Josh... funny.) And around 12:00 we walked into the beautiful meeting room covered in portrait paintings and carved wood. We sat on folding chairs at huge wooden tables and listened to instructions on immunization records and registration and the like. Then, we all ate a free lunch, drank a glass of wine, and I rode over to the Library to get my ID.

So, now it's official. After nearly six years, I'm a student again. And man, does it feel good. Now, I have to jump in the shower, pack my bag, and head back to school for day two.

(Norah did great in daycare in case you're wondering. She napped twice, and ate all her Cheerios. Way to go baby girl!)

Sarah Palin Censorship and Abuse of Power

2008-09-03T08:04:00.003-04:00

I ran across two news stories that shocked me regarding Sarah Palin, and wanted to get them out there. It doesn't seem as though they are in the mainstream yet, but I think they are important issues.

Sarah Palin shortly after winning election as the mayor of her small town in Alaska approached the Librarian Mary Ellen Emmons and asked how they could go about banning some books from because they were morally objectionable. Emmons was "aghast" at the idea and said she would resist all efforts at censorship. Ms. Palin then fired Emmons shortly after winning office.

Sarah Palin is also under investigation for abuse of power during her short time as governor. Apparently Palin's brother-in-law threatened Palin's father. Palin then told the state public safety director to fire her brother-in-law. When the director did not obey Palin, she fired the public safety director. She has now hired a private lawyer and will be supbeaoned to court sometime in the near future.

Cute Animal Forwards

2008-08-30T11:27:00.007-04:00

I just emailed my little sister about this, so she already knows what I'm about to write.

In order to really understand this post, it's important for you to comprehend just how passionately I abhor cute animal forwards. I get them from time to time, and it sends me into a burning rage that usually culminates in my kicking something soft and cuddly. I've actually been thinking of trying to find a clip of Ozzy Ozbourne biting the head off a bat so that I can watch it as a sort of remedy for when I accidentally see one of those cute animal forwards.

My little sister Katie sends me forwards from time to time. Not often, but every now and then. Today, I got a typical Katie forward with the following pictures and many more. They're respective captions are listed below the image.

THIS IS WHAT SORRY LOOKS LIKE

This is what intimacy looks like

This is what cool looks like

Those three images there are pretty much enough to send me into a tailspin of rancor and seething paroxysms of maniacal conniptions and murderous fury. (Yes I'm using a thesaurus to try to fully convey my anger.)

So, you can imagine my surprise when I open the email from Katie, I see something like this:

THIS IS WHAT COLD HANDS LOOK LIKE

And I say, "Awww."

I MEAN SERIOUSLY! I should be FURIOUS! But for whatever reason, I'm all warm and fuzzy and giggly inside. That little kitty just looks so darn cute, and the way his belly puffs before he blows on his cold little mittens... I mean who can't love th--- wait! What am I saying?! I hate that crap! What THE Hffghghgngingdkdadlsk! ERGH!

But there's just something about a forward full of cute fuzzy animals when it comes from my little sister. If anyone else had sent me (or sends me... don't even think about it...) this forward, I probably would have thrown heavy glass mixing bowls out of our fifth story window onto people walking their dogs. But, when it came from Katie, I smiled. I don't understand it, but there it is.

So, thanks for the forward Katie. I have absolutely no idea why, but *gulp* I liked it.

Now, I have to send it to fourteen people or my liver will explode and some poor armless baby in China won't recieve his prosthyetic robotic ninja arm surgery.

McCain's VP Gimmick

2008-08-29T17:21:00.003-04:00

McCain just proved just how badly he doesn't get it. He thought Hillary had a large base of support simply because she was a woman, so he picked a woman for VP. He could have picked any one, he had at least a dozen other women that would have made a better VP pick if he was set on choosing a woman. But out of pure and simple bigotry, he thought he would win Hillary's supporters by choosing a woman. Any woman at all. Enter Governor Palin. And America said together, "Who!?"

So, John McCain picked someone with zero national experience, zero foreign policy or military experience, who governs a state "with more reindeer than people" to elevate the second most important role in America. Not only did he fail to grasp why Hillary got support, he boldly insulted the intelligence of those supporters, and effictively trashed the only weapon he has against Obama, experience.

I'm very glad to say that I think today will go down in history as the day McCain lost the election.

Obama/Biden '08.

John Kerry's Speech - DNC 2008

2008-08-28T11:23:00.004-04:00

If John Kerry had been like this 4 years ago, we wouldn't have Bush in the White House right now. I watched Kerry's speech and have been sad to see that it has not received the attention it deserves by the main stream media. It was a very powerful speech and I think John McCain has a lot of explaining to do. Help me get the issues Kerry raised out into the mainstream. Go here for CBS's page where you can view the speech in full screen, share it, embed it, email it, watch it, whatever. McCain has some explaining to do.

עוד

2008-08-27T10:31:00.003-04:00

So, this is the second spiritual lesson I've learned from preparation for school. This one is new, and hasn't really sunk in too much, but because it has such an easy (and I think neat) visual representation, I chose to tell you about it first. The second lesson is rather complicated and I don't think I've sorted it all out just yet. More on that one later.

I'm studying the Hebrew language right now. Class starts in one week, but I've been very excited to get into it, so I have been working on the first two chapters pretty much non-stop since I got my books in the mail. (Ok, not non-stop. I actually didn't look at it last week.) But now, I'm trying to memorize my first vocab cards, and something struck me and I wanted to blog about it. Don't worry you don't need to know Hebrew to get what I'm talking about here. (It's not terribly important for this post, but in case you did not know, Hebrew is read from right-to-left, not left-to-right like English.) Here, take a look:

עָוַד: (Pronounced ah-VAHD): This word is a verb and means, to serve. It also means to till or work, which interests me. Biblical Hebrew used the same word for tilling the earth, and for serving. More interesting than that even, is that this is also the word for worship. So, in Biblical Hebrew: work, tilling the earth, serving, and worship were all the exact same word. Might this imply that service is a form of worship? More intersting to me is the possible implication that work, every-day mundane work, can also be regarded as a form of worship. Interesting, but it gets better.

עֶוֶד: (Pronounced: EH-ved): This is a noun, and it means servant or slave. (On a side note: I'm currently reading Romans, and this sheds some light on what Paul meant when he said we were slaves to God's righteousness.) I have to think more about what this means, but I found it interesting. I'll write the words one after the other, just so you can see how similar they are.

עָוַד - to serve/work/till/worship

עֶוֶד - servant/slave

But it gets even better:
You may have noticed that the only difference between the two words are the little dots under the letters. Those little dots and dashes are called Diacritics (or Nikud), and are not part of the Hebrew alphabet. They represent the vowel sound you should make after saying the consonant. The Hebrew alphabet does not have any vowels, so Rabbis decided to make up this system of dots and dashes to help people who were not fluent in Hebrew to read and understand the Bible. Which means that if you leave out the diacritics, (and the earliest Bibles most certainly did) then the words for service, work, tilling the earth, worship, servant and slave were all the exact same:

עוד

Does this mean that to be God's servant means to be his slave, and that as his servants we are to work, and serve others as our acts of worship? How many lessons are wrapped up one three letter word. I can't wait to get deeper into this rich language.

תוֹו

2008-08-27T02:04:00.005-04:00

תוֹו (Tov)

That, right there, took me about nine hours to figure out. I think I finally found a way to display Hebrew font (יִשרָאֵל) That's Hebrew for Israel I think, at the same time as I write English. I still need some practice at figuring it all out, but I have a start at least. But right now, it's one o'clock in the morning, and I've been doing this almost all day long. So, now, I'm hitting the sack. Till then...

מִזְפָּה

(That's for you mom... that's how you'd write Mizpah in Hebrew, I think. Keep in mind, my first class isn't until Monday so, I definitely could be wrong.)

Bye now.

Awww! Spinach Biscuits!

2008-08-18T13:33:00.005-04:00

If you care about politics, and you won't get mad at me for supporting Barack Obama, feel free to read the next three posts. If you don't care about politics at all (and I'm sure that's most of you) check this out:

That's me, NOT eating a spinach biscuit. Because, well, you pretty much couldn't pay me to eat one of these things. (Unless of course, you actually paid me, in which case I would gladly eat the whole bag for a dollar each.) It's a product of my own creation, so I have no one else to blame. But man are these green little bricks disgusting.

This is what happened: Gerber makes these things called "Biter Biscuits." They're supposed to be good for babies who are teething, and so I went to get a box. When I read the ingredients, I found that they are basically just sugar and flour. Now, I'm not crazy or anything but we decided a while back that we don't want Norah to have refined sugar for the first year. Then, I remembered that Jerry Seinfeld's wife wrote a cookbook with recipes that used vegetables. I thought, I have some spinach in the fridge. I know how to make biscuits. "Biter Biscuits" have the word "Biscuit" in them and they are good for teething babies. So I combined all of these thoughts into a nasty, hard. green brick of nasty that I call a Spinach-Oat-Yuck. Basically, I ground up a bunch of oatmeal, pureed some spinach, added a little bit of flour and an egg, and rolled out a dough. Then I baked them and when I finally put one in my mouth, I instantly remembered being a kid, sitting on the floor under the dining room table eating a box of Milk Bone Dog Treats.

Man these things are gross.

Imagine my surprise then, when I decided to see what Norah would do with one. That's right folks. She friggin' loves em. I gave her one right before her bottle thinking she'd just spit it out. Then, when she was chomping on it still fifteen minutes later, Rach took it away to give Norah her bottle. Norah started screaming as if we'd ripped her fingers off. (Until she got her bottle that is.) Much to our mutual surprise, the little bugger can't get enough Spinach-Oat Yuck. So, in the end, I have a bag of these nasty, disgusting, hard, dry, never-going-to-eat-em-myself, spinach-oat-yuck biscuits that Norah can't seem to get enough of. She's eating one now for lunch. And who knows, she might get another one for desert. :)

McCain Thinks Americans are Stupid

2008-08-18T12:53:00.004-04:00

John McCain has continued to run advertisements in which Obama is portrayed as empty hype. In these ads he consistently portrays Obama's supporters as fans and not as intelligent people hoping for change. Instead of succeeding in communicating that Obama is empty hype, he has instead resorted to attacking the intelligence and character of the Americans that support Obama. He has claimed that anyone who supports Obama is similar the the people who are concerned with the life of Britney Spears. Instead of discussing the issues, McCain sought to attack the intelligence of over half of the American Population. Then, when McCain was confronted with this, he said he was proud of it.

Obama is popular, yes. He has charisma, yes. McCain is less popular, has less charisma. Instead of accepting that he is less popular and less charismatic and trying to win an election based on the issues, McCain decided to beat up the American people. McCain should find something concrete to attack Obama on. Don't attack his supporters, don't attack his wife, don't attack his old pastors and people who talk at his old church when he's not there, attack his ideas. Talk about Obama's ideas. That's what I would like to do.

In my effort to prove that Obama is not all hype, that his supporters are not merely drawn to a celebrity, I want to offer my opinion on two things. I would do more, but frankly, I don't have time, and no one wants to read this stuff any way. The next two posts you'll see are concerning off shore drilling, and the economy. I just want to say that I agree with most of Obama's policies, and what follows are two policies and why I support Obama's position on them. Senator McCain, please stop telling me I'm stupid, and discuss the issues.

1: The Economy

2008-08-18T11:47:00.005-04:00

1: The Economy

What do I think?
I think Barack Obama will strengthen the US Economy. John McCain will hurt it.

Why do I think that?
Did you know that for the past 8 years, 2/3 of foreign companies doing business in America have paid zero dollars in federal income tax? In spite of making over 2.5 trillion dollars, they have paid nothing in federal income taxes. Lump the foreign businesses in with the domestic businesses that pay nothing, and 25% of big businesses in America have paid zero federal income tax for over 8 years.

McCain's campaign wants to decrease the corporate income tax. (This would benefit the five largest oil companies with 3.2 billion dollars extra income, let alone every other big business in America.) A reduction in the corporate tax would be very advantageous for the big companies, but have little impact on the average american or the US Economy. Consider the Bush aministration's policies. This past administration has favored continued corporate tax cuts to the point where now, 25% of big business in America pays absolutely zero federal income tax. And as a result, our economy was briefly on the brink of catastrophe. McCain supports this tax plan, and wants to further reduce the tax on big business. In spite of the fact that 25% of the big companies in America paid no income tax, he wants to further cut income tax obligations for big business.

The Bush administration has consistently failed to reign in the business ethics of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. Without going into details, let me just say that if Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac went under, it would mean pretty much utter catastrophe for the US economy. As a result, the US government cannot permit the insolvency of these private coprorations. Even though the two companies were bleeding financially over the past few years, it's CEOs were raking in hundreds of millions of dollars in bonuses. Then, when it became clear that Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac might go under, the US had to promise to cover their losses in order to stabilize the market. If the two companies went under, and they almost did, it would cost the US taxpayers 12 trillion dollars. To put it simply, the US taxpayers had to assume all the risk if Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac went under, while the CEOs were getting all the profits. As a result a few people reaped all the profits, while the risk behind those profits was sloughed off on the American tax payer. Privatized profits with socialized risks are a part of corrupt communist economies, not robust capitalist economies. John McCain supports these decisions by George Bush and promises to continue supporting Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. McCain's economic policies are structured with such strong reliance on big business that will continue to result in privatized profits and socialized risks. (Big business makes all the money, and the tax payers cover the cost if something goes wrong.)

McCain advertisements routinely attack Obama's campaign claiming that Obama wants to increase taxes on the middle class. This is patently untrue. In one advertisement McCain claims that Obama wanted to increase taxes on people making $42,000 a year. That's true. He wanted single people making $42,000 a year to pay $15 more per year. However, even a single mother would have to make over $62,000 before she faced that increase. A family of four would have to make over $90,000 before facing the increase. In a spanish ad, McCain said that Obama's tax plan would increase taxes on families making more than $42,000. According to Factcheck.org, that was simply a lie. Obama's tax plan is patenly and deliberately misprepresented in McCain's advertisements. Obama's plan will reduce taxes on people making less than $250,000 a year, and will increase taxes on those making more than that. It will also increase taxes on many of the companies that paid no income taxes last year.

If Obama succeeds in bringing that money into the Federal Budget, he can help to subsidize some of the programs he hopes to subsidize. If he succeeds in this, it will mean more money in the pockets of the average American. If the average american has more money, more money will go into the economy. More money in the economy means a stronger dollar. A stronger dollar means lower gas prices. Lower gas prices mean more money in the american pockets. The circle goes on. The problem is that the average american does not see these connections, and McCain is not only failing to discuss them, it is down right lying about the Obama tax plan.

In the end, Senator McCain's proposed tax policies are good for business. Obama's tax policies are good for the American people. McCain's economic policies are bad for the country.

2: Off Shore Drilling

2008-08-18T09:55:00.017-04:00

2: Off Shore Drilling

What do I think?
Off shore drilling will do nothing to affect the price of gasoline at the pump. The only thing that off shore drilling will do is to increase the profits of big oil. John McCain only supports off shore drilling because his campaign is lobbied by big oil.

Why do I think this?
Did you know that the price of oil is closely connected to the price of the dollar?

The price of oil is determined by the Oil and Petroleum Exporting Countries (OPEC). These are countries in who recognize they have a monopoly on oil, and use that monopoly to control the price of oil. Other countries that export oil do not export enough oil to compete with this monopoly. Even if the US were to produce more oil than Saudi Arabia, we would still not compete with Saudi Arabia, Iran, Kuwait, Iraq, Qatar, UAE, Libya, Algeria, Nigeria, Angola, Venzuela and Ecuador put together. People will point out that a large portion of the oil in US markets is not from the middle east, which is correct. However, much of that oil is from Venezuela and Ecuador. As a result, a huge majority of the oil consumed in the US is from OPEC. And OPEC decides the price of oil.

OPEC member countries buy US Debt. Just under 6% of the US debt (154 billion dollars) is purchased by Oil Exporting Countries. As a result, the price we pay for oil is somewhat tied to the strength of the US dollar. If the dollar weakens, oil becomes more expensive because OPEC needs to cover its potential loss on US debt. If the dollar strengthens, oil becomes cheaper so that the US can produce more, and OPEC can continue to buy US debt. Because of this, the price of oil is somewhat tied to the value of the US dollar. So, if we want to control the price of oil, we have to control the value of the US Dollar. The only way to control the value of the US dollar is to strengthen the economy.

If Big Oil were permitted to begin off shore drilling, the amount of oil brought in would not be enough to compete with the production output of the 12 OPEC nations. As a result, Big Oil would sell that oil for the same price decided upon by OPEC. It would also refine some of that oil to sell at it's own pumps. As a result, Big Oil would make more profit from gasoline sold at it's pumps, and would make money from selling oil to other companies. The price of oil however would not likely decline.

The risks of off shore drilling are enormous. If something went wrong at an off shore drilling pump, it would wreak havoc on the environment the likes of which we have not yet seen. (Imagine the Valdez, only instead of one boat, it's a pump that fills hundreds of boats, and it's not just a limited amount of oil being spilled, it's a tenfold volume of oil being pumped directly into the ocean itself.) the US government would be held responsible for the clean up efforts. Big Oil would likely be responsible for fixing it's own equipment, and the US Department of Agriculture and the EPA and FEMA would have to clean it out of the ocean. In other words, Big Oil would get all the profits, and the US citizens would assume all the risk. Privatize the profits, socialize the risk. Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac all over again.

John McCain has been against off shore drilling for most of his political career. Now, he favors it. John McCain's campaign has also been given 1.3 million dollars by Big Oil.

I believe off shore drilling will not help the average American and is only supported by John McCain because he is partially funded by Big Oil.

Barack Obama on the other hand is opposed to off shore drilling, and wants to increase our renewable resource infrastructure. The energy plans of Obama will mean more jobs to create this infrastructure, more jobs to run this infrastructure, and a dramatically reduced dependence on foreign oil. McCain's plan will mean more money for big oil, and renewable clean energy will remain a thing for tomorrow. I am with Obama here, and it's not because he's a celebrity and I'm stupid. It's because he's right and McCain is dangerously wrong.

One of the Reasons I Love NPR.

2008-08-09T09:43:00.003-04:00

This little gem is just one of the many reasons I love NPR.

(And that is officially my shortest post of all time.)

New Job

2008-08-07T10:23:00.001-04:00

Well, it's official. I'm working for an hourly wage again. Yesterday was my first day behind the Deli counter at a neighborhood grocery store called Hyde Park Produce. It's not glamorous, but there's something I enjoy about working in the Deli Department. I did it one summer while I worked through college and enjoyed it. It appears as though much of it comes right back to you. I spent most of the day shouting to Karen and Carlina asking the numbers for the various meat products, but for the most part, I think I did okay. They want me back at least. I work again tonight.

I actually enjoy the hourly grunt work stuff. It's simple, it's pretty brainless, and you get to interact with people. All the while, you know you're getting paid for what you're doing. Not a lot, sure, but you're getting paid.

I have an interview on Friday at Starbucks to see if I want to work there instead. Unless they offer me a lot more money though, I think I'll stay behind the Deli counter for a while.

"Can I get you something else?"

You ain't NEVER had this much fun.

2008-08-01T17:13:00.014-04:00

In order to make good use of the literary device of "Foreshadowing" I'm going to tease you with this picture. Later in this post, you'll see why I think this device is the world's greatest joy dispenser. That's your teaser...

On to the official update:

Rachel started her job about a month ago now, and she's been doing the 9-5 grind for that time. She was gone for training for two weeks, and I stayed home with Norah to try my hand at full-time daddying. The fall-out probably won't be clear until Norah is in her teens. Unfortunately, we didn't really understand how much it would cost to live in Chicago, so we do have a gap in our finances right now. I have applied to several places in the neighborhood looking for part-time employment as a result. You may be interested to learn that Starbucks has the easiest application, grocery stores the longest, and CVS and Borders require a 125 question personality questionnaire just to apply. I had no idea. As of today, we have not landed any part time jobs, but there's another Starbucks not far off, and a subway just down the corner. I'll keep looking.

In other news, I figured it was about time to let the world in on my new little development. I recently read The Jungle by Upton Sinclair and researched a little bit into the contemporary meat industry. As a result, every time I think about eating meat, I get a little queasy and sick to my stomach. (That's redundant I know, but that's how it feels.) So, for about a month or so now, I have not eaten any meat. The change has been strangely good for me. I really enjoy the vegetarian diet, and do not miss eating meat at all. I'm still at the point where I think about eating it, and feel a little nauzeous. Now before you start thinking that I want everyone to be a vegetarian and I'm going to try to beat you up with my veggie life, don't worry. I know, it's not for everyone. At least for now, I'm a vegetarian, and so far I have enjoyed the change. That's about it. I'm not saying I'll never eat meat again, I'm just saying that right now, I've adopted a vegetarian diet. I don't know if it will stay for the rest of my life or not. We'll see. At any rate, for those of you who might be feeling badly for me because I don't eat steak any more, I've photographed some of our recent meals.

Here is cereal I recently made. Basically, I roasted oats and almonds with honey, butter and vanilla and added raisins at the end. I like to toss in Cheerios with it. This stuff is amazing. I don't know if I'm ever going to eat cereal out of the box again.

This was dinner tonight. Rach isn't vegetarian, so her side has chicken on it. The whole pizza is mozzarella, spinach, pine nuts, garlic and olive oil with salt and pepper. I made the dough from scratch too. I found I really enjoy making bread.

Roasted potatoes garnished with dill, sauteed spinach and onions and fried tofu with basmati rice. As I write that, I realize that this meal may not sound appealing, but man it was good.

Curried red lentils with carrots and beans garnished with basil and red pepper accompanied by homemade bread cakes. I wasn't crazy about this bread, but Rach liked it so... hey.

The nice thing about eating vegetarian is that it is much, much cheaper than eating meat. I've found that I can go to the grocery store, spend five bucks, and make a meal for Rach and I and have left-overs for lunch the next day. As I think you can see, I'm really enjoying the opportunity to do more cooking.

On the Norah front, she's been doing great. I'm still playing stay at home dad which means a lot of washing bottles and practicing the Hebrew alphabet while Norah naps. (Ok, and watching LOST online, because well, it's free and I'm hooked.) If you could be a fly on the wall in my apartment during the day, you'd hear a lot of "Ma Shmo." "Me Shmo" "Baba" "Beebee" and "What is that? Where are you going? The others are coming! RUUUUUN!"

As I'm sure some of you are dying to see pictures, here are a few recent images of Norah:

Here's Norah helping with the laundry. She stood in here all the way from the laundry room back to our apartment!

Here Rach, Branden, Norah and I all enjoyed a little picnic at the train station waiting for the train. (Yes, those are deviled eggs. YUM!)

Norah hanging out at the bean, trying to catch that little baby above her.

I loved these pictures, I couldn't pick which one to post so I posted both of them.

Here we are hanging out with Uncle B at the Bean in Chicago.

Ok, now on to that forshadowing I teased you with earlier. Here comes. You ain't never, and I mean NEVER, had this much fun.

The picture up top is a photo of Norah's ring game, and in case you don't believe that a ring game is easily the most exciting and fun toy a human being could ever interact with, watch this video. You've never seen me get that excited about beating a video game before... That ring thing sure has something the X-Box doesn't.

Enjoy.

Jib Jab

2008-07-31T17:28:00.002-04:00

Here is the latest Jib Jab as I received it from Carrie Babcock. I love Jib Jab...

My favorite part is the part with Barack. Friggin' hilarious!

Send a JibJab Sendables® eCard Today!

The Pentail hic Tree Shrew

2008-07-29T12:10:00.006-04:00

Ok, to be honest, I hated the last header. I was proud of it because it took a lot of time, but at the end of the day, it looked like garbage. So, here's the newest header. I actually like this one, and it took about fifteen minutes. It's a bit country sure, but hey, who doesn't like chewing on bits of straw?

Now, to make this post more interesting than just telling you I made a new header, I figured I'd tell you about a little squirrel-mouse-looking guy with a bird feather on his tail who drinks beer. That's right, researchers recently discovered the only mammal on earth, other than us, who regularly consumes alcohol. He is a cousin of primates, and his name is the Pentail Tree Shrew. Every night the little critters imbibe a spirit in the flowers of the Bertram Palm which collect a kind of yeast that ferments the nectar into something akin to beer. Accounting for weight, and the strength of the alcohol, the little fellas drink the equivalent of 9 glasses of wine every night.

The remarkable thing, is that they never, never seem to get drunk. Imagine drinking nine shots of tequilla, and then running around through the branches of trees. Sounds like some college students I know.

Here's the story on NPR if you want to check it out.

Oh, and if you enjoyed that, you might like to read about the dog who sucked on toads because it was like taking a hit of acid.

My Fifteen Minutes of Fame

2008-07-23T21:40:00.004-04:00

You know how everyone gets fifteen minutes of fame? I just found out what mine is. Curious? Just do a Google image search for snails, or baby snails. Oh, and be sure to read the caption under the photo. Go ahead. You'll laugh, I don't mind.

I just realized that's the source of about 100 hits on my blog each week. Sure, it's a little embarrassing but you know what they say, "Any publicity is good publicity." Right?

Come on Everybody do the Locomotion

2008-07-22T22:56:00.007-04:00

For those of you who don't know, I've been watching Norah for the past two weeks. It's been great, and I've really enjoyed the Dad role. In those two weeks, an exciting development happened. I'm sure Rach will be super excited to see this, so no one tell her until she's read the blog okay?

I started training Norah on how to do this new development just before Rach left. My hope was that Norah would catch on before her Mommie took off for two weeks. But, it didn't quite work out that way. Here's a picture from a training session before Rach left:

And here is a video I took today. She still needs some work, but I think we can officially say that Norah is crawling. Fortunately for you, if you listen closely, you can hear a dog squealing in the alley, and my neighbors fighting. Yay!

And in case crawling isn't quite your speed, I also taught Norah how to drive. :)

New Header!

2008-07-14T21:29:00.004-04:00

I'm trying to spend some time working on GIMP, and used it to make the new header! I learned a lot making it, and had a good time messing around.

Rach asked me about it, so I figured I would write a quick blurb. Basically, if you stuffed my blog into an envelope, that's what I think the envelope would look like. That's all.

Ok. And I promise, no more politically charged blogging for a while.

But did you see this? I won't be responding to any comments on it, but if you didn't see this, you need to know that this is what the New Yorker put on the cover of their most recent issue. The New Yorker said it intends to hold a mirror to the face of prejudice. I see why people are upset, but I can also see why it would have seemed funny.